A Life of Mirth

Out to 1223 Last Night

2008-08-02T13:22:00.005-04:00

last night was out with some friends to 1223. goodness, i can't stand talking about girls with some people, its just annoys me to death. ignorant and blind spotted like no other. was dressed pretty hot last night and had my shades that i like to wear to look ballerish. one of my friends WOULD not drop the topic about me wearing shades indoors and looking dumb, he was seriously pissing me off.

first time he brings it up was at the metro train, he started arguing with me about it and took them away from me and tried to make me look stupid, i basically was blowing things up and things started to get loud, and people started listening in on our convo. i just kept smiling and acting like he was just being dumb. some girls in the train started checking me out and was talking about how the shades are hot, and makes me look "stuntin". i forget how it got brought up, but some topic about stripping came up and some of the girls were yelling saying i should strip in the train for them...

at the club, was some asian type thing, i felt kind of awckward because it appeared like everyone knew each other already. the guys i was hanging with only talked to girls they knew, and i had a hard ass time talking to people like usual because of the loud ass music. even still i talked to like 5 sets with normal openers and banters, not much. just did alot more dancing and grinding on girls.

lol one time, was embarrassing, i was grinding the shit out of a girl and got a hard on because of it. then i started to back away because of the hard on, and some other hot chick started grinding on me out of nowhere. i was hard as hell and i didn't know if i shoulda kept grinding or if they would feel weird if they found out. hahahah, i just kept backing up and tryin to hold my dick back with my hand. eventually i couldn't keep grinding cause i felt kind of embarrassed, im not sure how normal it is to grind on girls with a hard on. so basically i just walked away and chilled out dancing on an off for the rest of the night.

one thing that was really pissin me off was this same guy who kept talking shit about my shades, was also constantly complaining about some girls he talked to when he was drunk. he kept complaining to his friends talkin about how they let him talk to ugly girls when he was drunk. honestly, i couldn't believe the standard of girls he thinks he can get. two of the girls were prolly like lik HB5, an the other was lik HB7. i'd bang all of them, and i let them all know. the guy was telling me how i need to up my standards and tried to make me feel like i was pathetic, same thing when i brought up online dating. they were all saying how i was a desperate guy going online to meet girls. not that i cared, i was out doing my own thing all night.

definitely need to find some more cool people to game with, those guys are on a totally different page from me, even though they're older, they seemed so immature when talkin about girls.

Beach Plan Blown

2008-08-01T19:41:00.001-04:00

oh my gosh!! they canceled beach plans on the day of the trip, WEAK!

gonna try and set up my own trip next week. we'll see.

Evaluating My Current Situation

2008-07-31T11:00:00.002-04:00

last night went out to chill with M_H_ and company. went down to CP, reminiscent of some good ol times! bunch of hotties everywhere, ooo i cant believe how hot the girls at CP are! but damn, i felt so damn aweful, couldnt bring myself to talk to any of them, i feel like im in real bad shit, concerning where im at with girls.

AA all over again and lacking confidence, and all sorts of analytical mind games messing with me.

im getting real angry with myself lately for several reasons.

for one thing, im not actively working towards meeting girls (outside of the worthless damn internet). i keep hanging out with the same friends doing the same old nothing but drink routine, they keep calling me up on weekends and its just SOOOO much easier to put off what i want to do, to do something else more chill. im gonna have to start looking for some people who really want to meet girls and work together to force each other to go out. i remember those talks Tyler Durden made about having to go out, getting that frame, motivation just go out and do shit. ugh... even back when going to with Flawless and S_ to DC i had that "i dont wanna go out tonight" mentality. i gotta start self-motivating myself.

another reason i been angry at, which shouldn't be the case, was my market of girls. the world is fucking cruel when it comes to first impressions, and online, shit, that thing is on a whole new level of "what you see is what you get." i spammed a bunch of more girls online on POF but im about to just give up on that. if i do continue on the online dating thing, im gonna have to look for something more intuned with my market. gaming in person is definitely more realistic for me to meet girls.

well anyways, this weekend im going to virginia beach with J_A_ and D_ and im pretty sure they wont be talkin to any chicks, but i gotta be on my shit this weekend and blow up my AA sky high. this trip to virginia beach is gonna be like my return party to getting back to talkin to girls, and i'd be damned if i dont talk to any. i gotta rework my frame to take charge in my life and do stuff by my own damn self. i better not be bullshitting about all this either, when the time to act comes, better man up and do this!!!

Living Life Consciously

2008-07-29T15:10:00.001-04:00

when i was thinking about living consciously i was thinking of what people are actually thinking when watching TV. when i think about it, most of the time, i'm thinking about nothing. i just sit there and look at whats on TV. i can do this all day an chill on it relaxing.

now compared to times when im reading a book or studying, i get real tired, even if the book or study topic is something im interested in. i think one possible reason is that when im consciously thinking about stuff, the mind exercises like a muscle and the human body actually burns more calories when thinking. this might be one possible cause for being tired. during harsh exam weeks i also remember my brain being burned out, with headaches from overloads and overstress.

now im thinking, the times i'm out just chilling, or watching TV not thinking, is this a productive way to live? when i sit down to watch TV and take it in for what it is without actually thinking about what i'm seeing, is it even worth seeing in the first place? i know for a fact a lot people do this day in and day out.

like i cant really describe what i mean here, but it seems i've developed the skill to chill real easy. like there would be hours in between class in college where i would sit, listen to my ipod and just chill. the mind not doing anything but sitting on stand by. i've gotten used to this, i don't get bored or anything (most of the time), i just relax.

now opposed to this, think of just being in an argument and thinking up replies to defend a cause, thinking up reasons to why things are the way things are, thinking of how certain people around you are. just being able to think about everything around you, gives you more awareness. i remember way back people always used to tell me that i looked confused, or lost or just simply unaware and im thinking this is probably why. before i just didnt think enough, in general, and of the things around me.

i remember one friend of mine, A_, used to think a lot about life and as a result got kind of depressed because of it, and i used to be in the same shoes as him. there would be days i lie in bed thinking of friends and life and trying to figure things out, to find out more usually led me to be depressed. i definitely had a certain depressed period of my life. but now that i reflect on that moment, i think it is necessary. it is necessary to think about life, to find out that its currently in a bad shape is where you begin to fix it. depression usually results from feelings of helplessness, but with confidence in oneself, knowing that its up to you to fix things, depression only turns to disappointment when you know you're just too lazy to fix things.

its funny how way back i got myself out of my depression by thinking less of life, just putting up blindspots to not face the problem, to live life day to day for what it was and to not complain. nowadays im trying to live more consciously, to know what im doing each day of my life and to not let that time go by unnoticed (lol sometimes i still NOTICE the time being wasted, but too tired to get angry about it). tear down those blindspots, face the problem, take responsibility, and have the confidence with enough balls to get things done.

so basically, think of a day, where you actually think of every step you take, every person you make eye contact with, every little thing you do. just paying attention to every detail gives you so much more awareness of what is actually going on everyday. but at the same time, being oblivious does have its perks, less responsibilities, less stress, more carefree, just like sleep, and boy do i love sleep! i just dont want to be sleeping when im awake...

Dunno What to Make of It

2008-07-23T09:15:00.003-04:00

yesterday went out balling with some friends and K_ was there. C_ was telling him about how we weren't on the best of terms with one of another. we talked about it and i basically just told him that i didn't appreciate how he been treating me lately. its only been 3-4 times of disrespect, most of which was when he was drunk, so the whole situation wasn't that serious. although the very last time was probably the worst and kind of ticked me off.

anyways, he was basically saying that i should of told him if he was doing something to bother me. and here i'm kind of confused whether or not i should have talked to him about this straight up, obviously bringing it out in the open with one another has the potential to resolve the problem. but, i do remember telling him sober couple weeks back that he was being an asshole to me when he was drunk, i guess i didn't present in the most understandable way, but i did put it out there.

well anyways, back to what was confusing me, what i been thinking about more in-depth of this whole situation. i've known this guy for 4-5 years, been out drinking with him so many times, got drunk with him so many times, and i don't remember anytime when he was calling me a bitch, pussy, or punk and never even did it in a jokingly manner. obviously there are people who play around an talk to their friends like "eh man, stop being a bitch" in a cool way. but as long as i've known him, nobody been talking like that in this social group at all.

its been pretty clear i thought that he has been disrespecting me and basically treating me as if i was his bitch. there really wasn't any laughs at the tables or anything, and sometimes the situation would become pretty tense from what i remember. now that being said... did i really have to tell him that i didn't appreciate the disrespect he been showing me? i think during most of these situations, he knew damn well what he was saying, even if drunk, why now? we been drunk plenty of times and always had lots of fun, not any of this bullshit.

so this man is treating me the way he wants to treat me, simple as that. i don't need to tell him, try to change him, or force him to be nice to me. i hang out with him, i do my thing, he hangs out with me, he does his thing. we treat each other every day the way we want to treat each other. if we don't, we're being fake, holding up a front. if i were to tell him that i want him to stop disrespecting me, is he just gonna be holding up a front? if so, who the hell am i chillin with.

now obviously, there are also lots of other factors such as bad moods, situations that come up, just hard times in life that will affect how people treat each other, and thats fine. thats why i was just planning on giving K_ some space to sort things out, for me to just back off and do some other things. people are always good for change, maybe he changed recently for the worse, i dunno. whatever it is, we're kinda back on good terms, i didn't wanna talk to him too much about it all and it seems like what i wrote here is like overkill. but thats just how it is.

Batman Is Sick!

2008-07-21T09:15:00.002-04:00

saw the dark knight this past weekend and that movie is one of the THE best movies of all time hands down. it was freaking amazing!

joker was a badass and batman has his ass handed to him all throughout the movie, even at the end, you cant even say batman won. there has got to be another sequel, but im not sure how good its gonna be if joker is going to return, since the actor heath ledger died of a drug overdose.

its kind of crazy how a rich ass actor like heath ledger took anxiety and depression medication. just goes to show that money isn't everything if anything in life. i feel sad for that guy, he had so much talent. but also, if you think about actors, being put on the screen for all the nation to judge, thats some serious challenge for a person's frame.

well anyways, batman is a 10/10! love that movie.

A Friend on the Backburner

2008-07-21T09:07:00.004-04:00

surprisingly, one of my friends i been chilling with all through college and up to now is being a complete asshole to me lately. he has some serious alcoholic issues and and i think all these real world problems that everyone has to face outside of college is just getting him. i think guy is just going through some serious crap in his life that he needs to straighten out on his own. doesn't bother me too much, just not gonna chill with him anymore. i got plenty of other friends i can chill with so dropping him out, will just free up some more time for me to chill with my other friends.

he's lucky im not the type to look for conflicts and he's been taking advantage of that. if i didn't know him for so long i would of kirked out on him, but instead im just not gonna look to argue with him and do my own thing.

peace K_

Thoughts on Work and Money

2008-07-17T16:03:00.002-04:00

i dunno why i've been thinking of wanting to play poker for extra cash. it's completely worthless. i do not need the couple hundred dollars for all that stress and torture it brings me. also, i always have money i'm not spending, with the current pay im receiving i can easily adjust to an affordable lifestyle. my only concern is the free-time i have. that being said, i do not know why i keep thinking about money. i absolutely hate it.

on my job. i feel like im completely wasting my life in this training program. i am not learning anything from it because the lecture videos are so horribe. i am not developing any new skills in my professional field and i feel like once training is over, my company is going to expect me to do crap that i have no understanding of. which is bothering me right now.

i also want to do more programming. i dunno why but i have this urge to go back to programming my games at home. its too bad im so beat once i get back home that i just end up watching tv and crashing. im gonna work on getting back into programming in my freetime.

Situation with the Females

2008-07-17T15:58:00.003-04:00

so i been dying to meet some girls. haven't done anything progressive towards those goals. i've messaged about 10 girls on POF, none of which replied and half of which were deleted. haha. i can't really blame them, some of them were ridiculously hot and out of my league and prolly deleted my message once they even found out i was asian. but i've also messaged some decent girls in the 5-7 range, waiting for some replies.

might look to apply at some asian dating sites, ugh asian girls are so damn lame.

the summer heat is getting to me.
honestly i've been contemplating whether or not i should escort it up.

Last Weekend at Modern

2008-07-17T15:54:00.002-04:00

had a blast at modern, was out with K_P and T_K. drank an ate din din at hooters. got a serious buzz on. went lounge Modern and got shit-faced. was insanely fun, lots of grinding but drank to much to really remember anything or really even meet any new people for any lasting effect. it turned out to be one of my few blackout nights.

i'm not really sure why it was so fun. prolly all the dancing an the club environment while being wasted. could also be the fact that i was able to let loose all the stress i had pent up from being bored at work.

Car Pics

2008-07-06T22:28:00.006-04:00

I wanna take some hot pictures later on, but heres the basic outside body shots.

Realizations on Life Living

2008-07-06T10:15:00.003-04:00

ok so the other day i was playing poker online an ended up losing about $1700 overall from the whole fiasco. felt horrible all day and was seriously thinking i could deposit more money and win some money back. then i started to think whether it was really worth it.

i started to think of all the break even months, months i would lose and break even with rakeback and all those stressful nights grinding back losses. clearly i just must not be playing good poker at all or i just make serious mistakes costing me big losses in all my sessions. then i started to think my peak bankroll at any moment was about $14k across 3 years of playing very casually. i make alot more from my job in one year. about $39k of spendable money.

considering all this, i decided playing poker in my free time to earn whatever extra cash it can bring in is not worth it. all the emotional stress and time consumption is just not worth it. i been thinking of all the other things in life i need to work on:
- learning how to program things i enjoy, video games
- how to set up and run websites, using flash animation, graphics, etc
- meeting girls
- meeting new cool fun friends
- hanging with current friends
- exercising, dieting, health
- learnign how to invest and explore other business opportunities
and instead im wasting hours after work stressing out on trying to earn "more cash" when im already putting about 40 hrs of work and 10 hrs of commuting already on earning "cash"

right now, i'm making alot more money than most of my friends, most of which are still in school, just finishing school, or got some hourly wage jobs with no plans with school. i'm already better off than alot of my friends, why am i spending so much damn time tryin to make more money if poker isnt even fun for me to play?

another thing i've noticed was, after a month of working and busy schedules hanging out with friends, i finally had an unscheduled night of nothing to do. normally i would've been killing time playing wow, but i was jus not feeling like playing computer games. so i basically just sat at home bored as hell. i actually felt like i wanted to go to work. i needed to stay busy.

on another note, i also had the mentality of if i wasnt gonna play poker, i can just be a frugal spender, save up every penny, and try to invest my way out of the rat race. however, i'm starting to believe that i should start spending more, have more fun in my day to day activites, work on learning more interesting technologies, at the same time save up money and invest. my whole perception on life revolving on making money was so wrong. afterall, we're all making money to spend money. whats the point of dying with money in the bank, i rather die with the experiences gained from spending money in enjoyable ways. that being said, i'm still going to try and budget my funds, but more loosely around sociable activites.

i also been phasing computer life completely out of my daily activities (other than work). im trying to learn more on web based technologies in my freetime, programming games, and reading books for fun and learning. at the same time, im gonna try and talk to girls online and hopefully work on game in bars. i dont think im gonna be gaming much on the ocmputer anymore until diablo3 and starcraft2 comes out. we'll see.

Can I Ever Play Poker?

2008-07-04T20:20:00.002-04:00

so lately i been tryin to earn extra cash playing poker and thought that with my new job my game would be alot better, since im playing for extra cash, not as a living or anything. but then when i think about it, i wasnt ever really trying to play poker for a living so... its always been the same.

well anyways, lately while i've been playing, i've noticed that people on full tilt poker are just insanely tight. these players are just as good as me considering tight hand ranges, and plenty of 3bet'ers at 100NL. i've been playing insanely tight waiting for only AQ-AK, QQ+ and sets. lately people been hitting sets against all my QQ+'s and TPTK. pushing on flush draw+overs on all my sets and hitting. its just been very unfortunate and i've been tilting all my money away. i lost $500 at 100NL and then moved to $400NL trying to make things back quick because its been about 2 weeks now and haven't made a dime considering all the hours i put into playing. so... i dunno what i'm gonna do, i've been on a losing streak for the last 3 times i quit. i'm just not cut out for poker. i seriously need to learn to cut it out of my life completely. gotta find some other way to earn extra cash on the side...

Friday Night

2008-06-27T14:19:00.002-04:00

last night T_K was talkin about a bartender friend EN_ who works friday night, and we can hit him up for free drinks. EN_ actually was at 2020 last night an i knew him from way back. seems lik a cool guy to chill with. tonight gonna get wasted and maybe spit some drunk game for fun, we'll see. hopefully i can talk to some white girls, kinda tired of the straight up asian environment lately.

Out On a Work Night

2008-06-27T13:49:00.003-04:00

so last night i went out again on a work night, but wasnt out TOO late, got about 6hrs of decent sleep so its wasn't that bad.

before i talk about what i did this night, i want to mention that everytime me an E_ go out, i called her up. so today, i thought she was off work on thursdays and so i was waiting to see if she would call me to hang out if i waited long enough. but no calls so i didnt cancel plans i had with T_K an K_P.

so i went out with T_K and K_P. first went out to D&B an drank some booze for a bar called 2020 where E_ bartends (the girl i been talking about lately). pretty chill at D&B, there was this one low value ass video game freak who knew T_K and was bothering the hell out of us, i kept laughing at him cuz of how pressed he was over video games, guy was so lame. now that i think about it, i should slapped him across his face for pushing my gun away from the screen. but i was buzzin an feelin good that night, wasnt in any conflict type mode.

after the bar, went out to the asian bar 2020. there i was surprised to see E_ bartending, cuz i thought she was off. but apparently after talking to her, she had her schedule changed an she works there thursday-saturday now. she was dressed up an lookin sexy tonight. i was feelin her again.

we met C_L and C_S there with their friends. C_L had two friends i was hollering at. one of them looked pretty decent, i'd say HB6 maybe, lets call her DUMB, i'd bang her for sure. she was a bimbo though, not smart. she ignored me at first. her roomate was prolly HB5-6 from what i can tell, lets call her SMART. SMART a lot smarter than DUMB. she does financial advising or something and we talked a bit about her background for the night. it was kinda easy talking to them since they were siting next to me all night. me and SMART had decent conversation going, nothing fun or exciting. eventually though, i think DUMB was getting bored cuz nobody was talking ot her and i was talking to SMART all night since she was closer an easier to listen and talk to over the music. personally i think DUMB looks better than SMART, and i think she was getting jealous since i wasnt hollerin at her, her frustration just busted out randomly she putting SMART on the spot in front of the whole table by asking whether i liked her or not and if i did that SMART is a real freak and loves to take a cock up the ass any day... i mean... yea i am im up for it... but obviously didnt jump at the opportunity, cause she coulda been lying.

a bit later the girls all got up an wanted to take pictures an so i was up in there too, during this whole taking pictures fiasco, SMART seemed very passive and lacking in confidence... prolly low value? translating to bad looks? i wanted to take pics with both of them so i just set up all the pics i was in, hopefully they can tag them in FB so i can see.

all through the night it seemed like it was only really me doin any kind of conversating at our table... the other guys were all wasted an drunk an jus passing out or something. i had a fun night overall. im gonna check how SMART looks on facebook an if she's decent im about to try an hit her up. i wasnt drunk, jus buzzin, but it was real dark there an i couldnt get a real clear look at SMART.

o yea, T_K also made several comments about how E_ acts manly, an how all her female friends are really men. i thought it was kinda funny. but E_ was lookin good that night an im still gonna try an hit that up, im in heat real bad with this hot weather, ill hit up those HB 5's i met tonight too. on the way out E_ basically chased my ass out the door to make sure to give me a nice goodbye hug.

* i also was wearing my awesome new shirt of the mini dog, was lookin fly

Conflicting Social Circles For Girls

2008-06-24T11:01:00.006-04:00

i want to talk about social groups and conflict between them because of girls

something i've noticed lately. i already had alot of different social circles. lately im entering new ones and reinforcing other circles. working full time, i find it harder to keep in touch with everyone. so lately, i just been thinking about social circles in general and how i know its going to be inevitable that whenever i find a social circle of higher value, i would want to hang with them more and the circles of lower value will be more distant from me as time goes on.

well, while thinking about social circles, i've been thinking about how i've been running into several situations where there is a girl dating a guy in social circle A and there happens to be another guy from social circle B talking about his interests with the girl. often times, the two guys will not like each other, because either one is an EX, or one just does not care about what the other guy thinks of him.

one situation, T_ last week was talking about how he's interested in this girl C_L_, who my friend has been dating for several years now, they are most likely to get married. i was telling him that she's with a good friend of mine and that he prolly shouldn't mess around with her. although in reality, its absolutely fair game for him, because he might just turn out to be a better guy for her. another situation was, when i was telling T_ about how i was trying to see this girl E_ lately, and she just got out of a long relationship with one of his good friends. now im not exactly sure how their relationship broke off, but he was telling me how that girl was his boy's girls for a long time. felt a lil awkward for me since we both belong to other social groups with girls we are both trying to talk to.

another situation was when my friend C_ also talked about how he hated my other friend O_C_ because he slept with his girl before they started going out. i asked if he even knew O_C_ because i used to be good friends with him until we went to different schools. apparently, he doesn't know him at all, just doesn't like him because he had slept with his girl.

now, problems like this usually does not happen within social circles because nobody likes to cheat with a friend's girl. there was actually a time in K_'s social group where this happened and it was kind of devastating for the social circle as a whole. and obviously girls outside the social circle are all free game, no matter what other social circle they belong to.

now that i've explained the problem, what can these guys do about it? personally, i realize that every guy is lookin for girls to get with, and its literally impossible to look for local girls with no ties/history to people you might hurt. as long as a guy doesn't purposefully try to get on the bad side of another guy, i just dont think its worth fighting over girls because thats just being jealous and insecure. the girl can choose to be with who she wants, if the guy cant handle that, he needs to realize he has a personal problem, not a problem with the other guy. then, this all goes into blind spots and how girls choosing other guys affecting their reality in negative ways.

then again, this is also a natural problem since social circles are all protecting their resources and competing against other social circles for their resources, just the way it is i guess.

Worst Day of Work Ever

2008-06-23T11:13:00.004-04:00

i forgot to post about this last week. but the sunday last week i went out with some friends to drink and then go to a strip club in baltimore, Scores. the strip club wasn't good at all, i think it was because it was a sunday or something, but out of all the girls there i only thought lik 3 were really hot, some of them just looked ugh nasty. didn't get any lap dances of course, bad investments in my opinion. just paid cover for the naked dancers and dropped some ones to slip into their panties. ended up staying out until lik 2am, got home around 3am on a work night, woke up around 6ish for work. goodness, all day i was miserable, felt like complete crap. worst eight hours of my life, the drive home sucked too, nearly passed out on the way.

if theres anything in this world i can't live without, its a good nights sleep. i love my sleep.

on another note... working full time and going out so much these last weeks made me realize just how little time i got nowadays. i have no idea why i wasn't going out when i was sitting aroudn at home doing nothing. i should of taken my 1 year break after my first job to really appreciate what a free day is like. but then, once i start working getting that 1 year break is impossible, until i quit an start searching for a new job. theres just so much crap about life that isn't fair; but we live and learn, and thats what im doing.

Money Problems

2008-06-23T10:57:00.004-04:00

these last two weekends was BAD budgeting on my part, im dropping lik 100$ a day these last weekends. its killing my savings an crap. as a result, to earn some more money, i started playing poker again yesterday. i had 70$ in there from rake couple months ago when i quit. i started playing some $50NL an $100NL hu with it and ran it up to $300 over the last month playing 10-15 minute sessions randomly. then i was thinking, "hmm maybe i can jus play $200NL and get enuf to multitable $100NL again". well, lost it all playing against better HU players who were sitting short stacked and rebought full later into the game and to one big unfortunate hand.

afterwards, i loaded up $600 and 4-6 tabled 100NL for a couple hours and basically broke even, ran pretty bad, swapping stacks with fishes. i prolly lost around 4 buyins worth to running bad. i plan to only play $100NL 8 tabling for 1-2 hrs a day, and to win $400/month. these goals should be insanely easy to reach, considering im not even adding in whatever money i'd earn from the tables themselves, rake alone is ~$400, so i just need to play an break even basically.

Sunday Night: Din Din & OB

2008-06-23T10:51:00.004-04:00

yesterday, went out to celebrate my friend B_'s 21st bday. we just went out to eat and play pool.

funny thing is, at the restaurant, i met one of the girls i met at the club the night before! at first i swore i recognized her face, but wasnt 100% sure. then when all my friends were outside on a smoke break, she was eyeing me down an making weird faces, so i smiled back an walked up to her to see whats up. we said wassup an talked about what area we live at and stuff. the thing was, she knew my name, all night she was going in an out with conversations with me, an each time she was saying my name, and i would have no damn idea what her name was. in the club i asked literally lik 10 times what her name was, an it was some korean name that i could not make out through the loud ass club music. wtf! but i played it off in the conversation like we were good friends, and that was it.

after the bomb ass meal, went to play pool. an that was pretty much a wrap for the night

Saturday Night: Club 1223

2008-06-23T10:40:00.004-04:00

so the same friends i went out with on friday, were talkin about going to club 1223 in DC saturday night, supposed to be asian girls night out or something. so i was down, lately i been getting into asian girls more, but i think its because i've been running into more hot ones lately. tonight J_J_ was also out with T_ and S_. anyways, the club wasnt all asian like i expected, it was a pretty good mix, but there was still mostly asians, prolly around 50% were asian. anyways... i was gettin boosted to talk to some girls that night.

however... once in there, i remembered how damn hard it was to talk to girls in a club, it might just be me, but i couldnt hear jack. i couldnt even meet any of my friends' friends because i just couldnt hear a thing they were saying, it was so damn loud! wtf, how the hell can anyone carry a conversation in that kind of environment.

another problem, although there were several hot asian chicks i would holla at, just all the girls in general had lik 2-3 guy friends per girl with them. even on the dance floor, every girl had a circle of guys dancing around them. even still i got my grind on with some girls, some busted, but whatever. i talked to a 2-set, one of them was getting married, i should stayed in there an messed with her friend... but ran away like a bitc*.

overall, was a decent club experience, most like all the other club nights i used to go out on with Flawless. i tried a yummy new shot tonight, for some reason alot of people think its real nasty, but i liked it, it was called Liquor Cocaine, an it was strong as hell. T_ and S_ mentioned going out to bethesda some other time, which is much more gaming friendly, so im gonna holla there. from now on, not gonna go to clubs unless im with a big party with girls in them i can game on.

Friday Night: Rumors

2008-06-23T10:29:00.004-04:00

so what im gonna post here is a summary of what went on this past weekend

something i'm starting to notice is that im hanging out with more an more asians, which is of concern to me, because i dont want to be that asian guy who hangs with only asians.

but anyways, friday nigth i thought i was going out in baltimore again with my friend N_, pretty cool/funny guy from CP. he ended up working late and so i had no plans for the day. i called up a friend i havent seen in awhile, and he said he going out to celebrate his boss's birthday party in DC, so i was down for that. when we all met up at the metro, surprisingly, his boss was my RA from back in sophomore year in college park! that was so funny, small world. the boss guy is mad alpha, its pretty obvious how confident the guy is, from the way he carries himself and talks. he was all about talkin to girls, an he got my state all pumped, jus hanging around with him. he really got me wanting to start up gaming again

well once we got to the bar, an i seen him talkin to some girls, which is cool. i was dyin to talk to some girls but i had no lines or anything prepared, i felt like i was gonna crash all night, which in itself didnt bother me much, but the fact that i was with all these people not into gaming did. but anyways, night was going by, an me jus chillin, an later i decided to actually talk to this oen girl, but not for me, kinda cheated. i did the shy guy routine an told her my friend was interested in her, but was shy. she started laughing or something, but things were pretty cool, i started bantering with her talkin about how she being mean to my boy. she said she already had a boyfriend, but later on that night i got her to talk to my friend. my friend isnt bad with girls, he was homecoming prince i think with the hottest girl in school back in springbrook high school. but he's jus bad with meeting girls outside his social circle, which is pretty normal. they ended up talkin for about half an hour, an she was pretty hot, so my friend was boosted all night about me setting him up. other than that i just grinded on some girls on the dance floor then went home. was fun, im definitely gonna get back to talkin to girls again

2econd Date with E_

2008-06-20T08:45:00.005-04:00

ok... so lately i been really into this girl cause i think she is really down to earth an cool, not a high maintenance bimbo, although she does seem kinda ignorant about some stuff... but anyways... today i met up with her at the mall because i wanted to buy some shirts for work/going out. she apparently isnt the type who goes out buying make up and clothes all the time so she didnt really help me out on any decisions...

but basically i've kinda lost alot of interest with her.

the day started off great, she called me up an told me the area of the mall she was at, and while i was lookin for her, i was tryin to sneak up an scare her, but i couldnt find her, then she called my cell and told me that i was goin the wrong way... scare tactics failed. it was funny cause cuz i was james bonding around pillars and corners an she saw me an was cracking up.

so we start lookin around for shirts and lots of cool bantering was going on, but other than some kino here n there, things started to get old. the energy died down an after i got some shirts we kinda was bored. we sat down at a bench an started talking for a bit, and man something happened that jus killed my attraction for this girl.

well to start off, throughout the night she was saying some harsh comments on opinions she had about some stuff, kinda made her look ghetto (she warned me about this). then while we was on the bench talking, she must've got too comfortable or something, but her tone dropped and jus the way she was sitting... ugh made me feel like i was talkin to a dude. she had her legs crossed in a 4 shape kinda lik a guy, and had her wrist resting on her knee. ugh. but after awhile she switched it up and crossed her thighs across each other like normal girls. that whole situation on the bench really made me lose attraction for her for some reason, well also alot of the conversation was low energy normal talk. o yea, and she was tellin me about her plans in life and how she wanted to get married around 21 yrs old, an how she's lik 23 now. so basically this girl is in a rush to get married. she also said she wanted to have 7 kids! wtf. just because 7 is her lucky number, (like everyone else in this world) how u gonna plan around having 7 kids!

so well, basically after going out last night with her, i got home an wasnt really thinkin about her at all except for the fact that this girl is a tom-boy, which is really cool; but maybe she's lacking some girly qualities that im interested in.

what im planning on doing next time i get with her is to find out what she thinks about me, if she likes me, wants to officially go out with me, etc. cuz im kinda confused about where im at with this girl. but im gonna make sure she knows im not lookin to get married anytime soon. maybe we can go out with each other until we find new dates, just to mess around :P

Budgeting Results

2008-06-20T08:41:00.002-04:00

after budgeting my the amount of money ill be making with my current salary, i finally realized how much money is actually going into my car. also all the days im eating out and goin to bars are killing my annual earnings!

taking into consideration that im saving boat loads of money living at home, all this money im saving is ending up going straight into my car! after my first year, im thinking i'll only be able to save up around $8,000. at this rate how am i ever going to become a millionaire!?

however, this is taking into consideration the fact that i AM payin off my car, and not making any extra earnings from poker/investments/payraises. so generally, things are prolly gonna turn better than i expect.

some lifestyle changes, gonna stop wasting so much money at bars, gonna drink at home or at friends place and try an only go to bars to chill/meet girls.

Went out last Night

2008-06-14T13:31:00.002-04:00

so last night after work me and some coworkers decided to head out to happy hour an stuff. no point really saying this, but most of my coworkers are like comp sci people, very geeky and low value socially. even thought i can chill with them fine, when it comes to talkin to girls an stuff, completely low value stuff.

well, i invited one of my college park friends who i havent seen alot, but works in baltimore. he's more high value i'd say, and we've actually talked alot about how to get girls an gaming in general. he's not really into game, but understands where im coming from. well he didnt really get along wiht my coworkers, cuz i guess he's not really used to hanging out with comp sci type people.

prolly not gonna be alot of nights where im going out with my coworkers again, we'll see.

one thing i thought was funny was, during happy hour around 7pm~. two of my coworkers were talking about some Models and Bottles event in baltimore where hot models come as a group an get free bottles. they were all pressuring me to go there cuz the hot girls n stuff, an how big things were gonna happen that night. but i knew 100% in my head that they are talkin about hot girls but nobody is gonna be doing anything. so i didnt even feel lik paying $15 cover jus to look at girls, i'd rather go to a strip club. well what happened was we left an went out to some public concert place for free. bunch of hot ladies running about, lots of girls for the picking. i was excited, an was thinkin maybe i can come out here some other night an game on these chicks. well my friend from college park was agreeing wiht me how there are plenty of hot girls here.

my CP friend asks one of my coworkers "damn man, you like seeing all these hot girls? lots of pussy around here"

my coworker friend replies, "ahhh, nah these girls are nothing, back in my home country (some place in europe) there are alot hotter girls than this"

im thinking just like i did in happy hour, *wtf this guy is low value an talkin about how these girls arent good enough for him, guy got some serious blind spots* but all this isnt really surprising to me because apparently alot of guys are like this. but to someone who already can see through these blind spots, ugh makes him look like a fool.

well i dunno what im planning on doing in the future, because im sure every friday my coworkers are gonna try an get me to go out wiht them, but im gonna wanna go out with my CP friend instead without them, so maybe we could holla at some girls. my CP friend also basically told me how my coworker guys are all losers, and i can understand where he's coming from.

it was pretty fun going out checkign out the baltimore scene some more, but man the drive home was a bitch.

Update: Date With Girl

2008-06-14T08:17:00.005-04:00

last week i was tryin to holla at this girl we'll call E_. was trying to go out on thursday, jus the two of us, even though we kinda knew each other from way back, i wasnt sure how comfortable she would be going out jus us two. the last time i called to get her out, she was tryin to go out with friends...

anyways, she didnt pick up and on thursday while I was at work she called me up and was tryin to do lunch, but i already ate and i was all the way up in baltimore, so i suggested dinner and got that joint set up in downtown silver spring.

got home, got new tags for my new car, then went down to meet her, an so got that date going on. we had a bunch of laughs and a great time. man i'm startin to feel head over heels for this girl, kinda miss her right now. personality wise, other than the fact that she admitted she acts differently (more ghetto apparently) around other people, she had a 10 type personality. she doesnt act prissy or some high maintenance girl, she's real cool. im thinking the reason is cuz she got an older brother and since younger siblings usually learn alot of their behaviors from their older ones, i guess she turned out more lik a tom-boy in a good way. considering looks... i think she looks hot, on a HB-7 level. i havent really seen her dolled up though. so basically, the night turned out real well, and there were some obvious hints an comments on there being a 2nd date cuz she paid for the meal an said i can pay for the next one, we got plans to share some "secrets" we didnt feel like talkin about, and she just constantly saying we should hang out again.

ok now... comes the evaluation of game and the bigger picture. right now, im real into this girl, and i wanna fuck the shit out of her. okay, but at the same time... i definitely want to meet other girls while not hurting or leaving this girl. im thinking one option is to never make the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship official, so i can just keep it at a friend level, but then the problem comes when i wanna get my sex. i don't know if she's the type of girl who's willing to be a friend with benefits. i would think most girls aren't. another option is to be like my bro and be her b/f and still hook up with other girls. kinda riskay though.

something else i want to comment on. personally, i feel like game should be one of those things i want to master in life just because of the magnitude of self-confidence someone can build up to live out life with full control. but, lately i'm having a hard ass time doing anything with this full work schedule. by the time i get home an eat, im exhausted and cant do anything really. i get home around 6pm and sleep by 11pm. so total i got 5 hours to do whatever. i guess gaming is still in the realm of possibility, if i can get my motivation to push me out of the exhaustion. all last week i had plans every single day after work, computers are starting to get phased out completely from my routine. oh yea, not to mention im thinking of starting a gym membership so i can start getting in shape again. thats another 2 hours of the day gone to commute + exercise. if i decide to spend more time with this girl, how am i gonna be making time to meet new ones.

time is the most limiting factor for me right now. but even though im not gaming, im feeling alot more happy right now than i was when i didnt work sittin on the comp all day. obviously for the social reasons, this girl, and just productive work.

First Paycheck

2008-06-14T08:15:00.003-04:00

got my first paycheck yesterday.

rolled up $1660 from that joint. make it hot! feels good to finally be making some reliable money without the stresses of poker, downside being, took me 80 hours of work and like 20 hours of commuting.... ah well, thats my life

Budgeting Investments

2008-06-08T09:01:00.002-04:00

couple weeks ago, my mom had a meeting with a financial adviser about what to do with all the money she had in her investments, since her latest investment option just expired. she wanted me to come along to help her understand what she doing. from this experience, basically i realized how different her frame of thinking an mine are.

she been keeping her money in investments with almost no risk at all, with lik 2-3% returns. she prolly been doing this for several years now, not sure how long, could be as long as 10+ years. so basically she been losing around 3% of all the money she had in investments each year, because of 4% inflation rates + ~1% taxes.

my investment train of thought, prolly coming from poker, was that these investments were kind of a waste of time. whats the point of keeping money in here? i guess her train of thought was, she been busting her ass all these years she rather just the keep most of the money she making than risking it at all. its obvious she doesnt have enough money for retirement, well maybe she does if she really limited her spendings, but that doesnt really matter since my two brothers and i will obviously take care of her when she gets older.

but all this really got me to think about how the hell am i gonna make money doing the 9-5 day in an day out only making around 60k a year!? once i get my first paycheck, see how much im pulling in after taxes, im gonna budget my funds more specifically. but what i was mostly lookin at were returns from compounded interests in passive investments. which were not as good as i hoped. i can only hope to make my first million lik 20 years down the line with most of my money thrown in the investments, assume a consistent 10% return.

Flawless reminded me of active investments with much higher returns. something i totally forgot about that i need to look into. there was so much to learn in the business world, im gonna definitely need to start studying that area. i got so much to do now that im working, making money, with bills to pay. one positive thing i can feel from working fulltime now is that im more active in everything i do, no longer jus sittin on my ass playing computer games.

ill post more on this after my first paycheck i guess...

Im Window Shoppin'

2008-06-08T08:48:00.003-04:00

yea so during the buying process of my car, i had several budgeting issues to consider.

i definitely needed a car to get to work. my options were to buy a cheap car around 5-10k and drive that around for the next ~4 years or so. then upgrade in the future when i got the funds. this will allow me to build up short term funds more quickly.

then i was thinking, maybe i should jus spend extra n get a nice car right now. i already been driving ~7 years in regular cars since high school. i also got a good enough job to pay for it. these nice cars are gonna run from 20-30k in price. gonna definitely hurt my savings/funds for the short term.

the other day i was at carmax, test driving a bunch of shit. volvo jettas, audi a4's, infinity g35's, acura TL's. i wanted to test drive benz's, lexus's and bmw's. but the day was already too long as it was. i already know people with A4's and G35's. didnt really wanna get one of those cuz of that. the jetta drove lik a peice of shit, so didnt really wanna get one of t hose either. from test drive experience, the audi and the acura were the best. i was thinking lexus and benz's i can get later when im older, prolly in retirement. bmw's are sick, shoulda hit those up. they were generally too expensive though.

but now to the main topic of interest. the acura test drive was fucking amazing. i never felt a car handle lik that before in my life. the engine was music to my ears and the car felt heavy as shit, felt lik a powerhouse! man after that test drive, i seriously understood why so many of my friends are car fanatics. and did i mention that car looks fucking sick! instantly fell in love with that car, i needed dat joint!

other shopping options included buying camry's. apparently, used camry's were only running for 16-18k, whereas new ones were lik 22-23k. since the demand for camry's are so damn high their resale value was only a couple thousand below new cars. so if we were to get a camry, was gonna jus get a new one. use 05 acura TL 's with lik 50k miles were lik around 25k. so buying a nice used car was almost as good as buying a new camry. my TL was 06' and only had 14k miles on it, going for 25k, a nice deal, since these were usually prices around 29k and its basically new.

so i decided to jus get the sick ass car paying extra short term. i figure im young an good for pimping now than later. we bought it in full so no interest as well. ill pay it off within 2 years, especially with all the funds im saving from living at home.

Its Dat Joint!

2008-06-08T08:37:00.004-04:00

o yea i cant beleive i forgot to post about my car!
i got it two fridays ago, may 29th i think. its a 2006 acura TL in grey. its siiiick boi!!!
it had 14.2k miles on it, and inside was generally clean. i need to get it really cleaned, vacuumed an toothbrushed inside an out at a car detailer. i heard its generally around 70-100$ for it and it also includes wax treatments. gotta look for one of those an hit it up. gotta keep my car hot you kno. i love driving my car around, i always look forward to the ride back home down 95 cruisin my car listening to fresh tunes.

i got pics of it but havent gotten around to puttin them on the comp yet, also i wanna get some night snaps, when the car is really pimpin! meanwhile here is an online snap of basically how the car looks.

The People I Work With

2008-06-06T20:18:00.003-04:00

i met a bunch of people who went through training last year and still working there, they're pretty cool people, but seem kinda low value considering social skills. every conversation seems lik im pushing the speak topics. but overall they're cool people, i can see myself chill with them.

now theres also people im working with in the training program.... these guys are different.

one of them is a woman, maybe 30's with two kids. she got her degree from india an been working here an now got a job doing what im doing. she kind of distances herself, i guess understandable since she's alot older than us. but i had good conversation with her about her background an family.

the other is a guy my age from indiana, he's so kinda weird. he talks slow as hell, doesnt seem very social at all. every group outing to eat lunch he barely ever talks and he jus seems so lethargic all the time, no energy at all. kinda beat yo. he's been asking who i go out with around here cuz he dont kno anyone, but i cant see myself hanging with him. guy doesnt vibe well, na mean? conversations kinda beat. but we traded numbers and i might call him up next time im out in baltimore... i dunno seems lik it'll be ackward if i bring him out an he dont fit in well an things go bad an he works with me, an day in day out, bringing ackward tension. man i might jus not call him out. we'll see.

theres a third guy who is out on vacation, he recently graduated and he'll be starting on monday, i look forward to meeting him and hopefully he's more cool.

Holla Back Girl

2008-06-04T15:22:00.002-04:00

*More on this girl I'm talking to.

So heres the meat of the topic....

theres this girl i knew for a long time, since lik 5th grade or whatever from church. i got to meet her again at a bar while going out with K_P_. she's a bartender there an to me she's damn attractive for a korean girl. so im tryin to holla at that.

bak when around 6-7th grade she had a huge crush on me but i was punk ass then an always pushed her away from me. but now that we all grown up, im tryin to hit that up, na mean?

that nigth at the bar i got wasted cuz it was kevin's friends birthday an like they kept passing shots all night even though i didnt really wanna drink that much. anyways, we talked for a good bit an she pressed to change numbers which we did.

afterwards... wtf! HUGE afc shit going on with me, AA out the bitch. i was scared as hell to call her. for lik 4-5 days i been tryin to call her an kept putting it off for the day later. i couldnt beleive this, this girl has me as high value lik hell an even had a crush on me before, but now that i place that high value on her an want her, im scared as hell to talk to her an risk losing her. obviously not takign the risk wont gain any rewards, though, so after struggling for some stupid ass fear i call her up an boom. phone didnt get picked up. ok, i dont even kno if the number is right.

then i called her up last sunday, an she picked up at her friends house. she wanted to go bowling with me an said she'll call back with directions. after 2 hours she didnt call back, so i call her an she said the group of friends she was with didnt wanna go, she was waitin to hear from some other friends before calling me back... ok.... so they all canceled, we ended up talking a bit. now here i dunno why, but i didnt think of jus us two going out an doing something, maybe grab a bite or whatever. well too late now. she told me she off work only thursday an sunday. which sucks cuz im off sat/sun. cant realyl do anything with her fri-sunday.

last thursday i was so busted up from work to go out, gonna hit her up this sunday an see whats up.

First Week of Work

2008-06-04T15:21:00.002-04:00

*More on my experience working fulltime again. Specifically for SABA in training...

Here's the meat of the topic now...

Goodness, work sucks. I'm hoping maybe when i get used tot his 9-5 schedule and actually start doing something useful, that it'll not be as bad. but right now im going through some ridiculous training...

first 2 days was jus plain ol sittin on a chair for 8 hours doing jack. couldnt go around web surfing on the laptop they gave me cuz it'll look bad on me if the boss finds out. and the boss randomly checks up on us, "doing nothing"...

lately i finally got some training lectures recorded on the computer that i have to watch and its been just 6 hours of watching training videos all day. and most of the stuff dont even make any sense and jus seems kinda useless. all in the all the job kinda sucks. everyday i come in from work im beat and worn out. dont got the energy to do anything. all i wanna do is watch TV for a lil bit then head to sleep cuz of the headache from all the information overload and sitting. yes sitting is stressful. its lik sitting in an airplane on a 12 hour flight with nothing to do really, its boring and extended boredom = stress for me. i'd rather do some productive work than do nothing on my ass.

all these bad things aside, there were some interesting lectures where i learned more about the business aspect of the company and their product and the type of problems they look to solve. im sure things will turn around once i actually finish training and do some real work.

other pluses, the work environment, although its a cubical, theres no real strict schedule, i can go out whenever i want really for lunch as long as im not busy and stay out for 1-2 hours. eventually after training i can work at home alot too. i'll be able to work about 3-4 days of the week at home if i want. another plus was there's a guy name K_ i had classes back in CP who works there. he's real cool an its good to see again an work with him.

Saturday Night, Naturally High Value

2008-06-04T15:20:00.001-04:00

*More on J_S_ going on with K_ G_ an C_. Guy naturally high value due to market.

Ok so here is the meat body of the night.

Haven't been out in awhile, so its K_, C_, G_, an J_S_.
Went out to baltimore, federal hill. we were basically jus chilling bar hopping. J_S_ seems pretty outgoing an all night he been jumping at girls grinding on them. but what was interesting to me was how in the beginning of the night all these girls kept opening him. at first i thought these girls knew him but, after asking i found out he didnt kno any of them. thats funny as hell. he got it so easy. i figure he's naturally more high value than most other guys in the normal market of girls. he's white, tall, an i think he won some prom prince throughout school so his looks helping him out alot too.

other than the girls talkin to me, while i was in line at a bar, J_S_ was right behind me an towering over me as usually an when i finally got up to the bar, the guy got his order taken ebfore mine, i was lik wtf? maybe i shoulda been out spoken or something? just one of those perks of being white i guess.

all this jus reinforces the fact that everyone isnt equal off in gaming. people like me, short asian guys gotta work alot harder for the attention that people lik J_S_ naturally get walking into the bar. but whatever, i knew all this already, but it was interesting experiencing it first hand saturday night after being out of the game for so long.

jus gotta man it up. dont cry about it, live with it.

No Longer Unemployed!

2008-05-16T23:17:00.003-04:00

So I finally got a job with a big company. I'm gonna be working as a technical consultant and making some pretty good dough considering a job out of undergrad. Generally, I'm gonna be working with computer software and figuring out how to install the company software at the client's environment. I can't believe how boosted I was when I got the call from the company that I got the job. It was so weird, never would I have thought getting a job would be so fulfilling. It was prolly cuz I was searching for almost 2 months now and getting nowhere, with the continual stress of random phone calls and interviews. Well, I'm finally relieved that I landed a good job at something I'm kind of excited to start working at. I'll keep updates on my experience working full-time. The workplace is also located in Baltimore. I got a friend living up there so I might look into moving in with him. One thing is for sure, the nightlife in baltimore is pretty hot, so I'm tryin it up for sure.

Now that the job problem is out the way, I'm lookin to work fulltime in getting with chicks. Lets get it on!

Job Search Status

2008-05-11T18:06:00.002-04:00

its been like a job itself searching for a job, constantly waiting for phone calls and phone interviews. been kinda annoying. so far no luck, had several phone interviews and in person interviews, but no job i really wanna do considering location and pay. so well, the search continues...

Rolling on Coal

2008-05-11T18:04:00.001-04:00

apparently, even if we do run out oil i learned we got like centuries worth of coal throughout the world, so no worries in that department. coal produces like half of the world's electricity.

Peak Oil For Real

2008-05-04T14:08:00.003-04:00

Oh yea, another thing I want to mention here is the idea of peak oil. After listenign to president Bush talk about the current oil issues in the world, I got worried and started doing some research online about oil. Apparently, peak oil is the point in time when the world maxes out the amount of oil produced per day or whatever, and from that maximum the amount of oil produced can only decrease from the maximum.

For the past couple of years, the supply of oil produced has been somewhat constant, whereas the demand for oil is continuing to rise because of growing population and industries. This means that the increase in demand and competition for the now constant supply of oil production is causing oil prices to rise. People are asking, why can't we produce more oil? This is because our oil refineries are running out of oil and the equipment to drill new oil factories are all breaking down and the time to set up new oil factories will take several years. People are saying we have already used up half the world's oil supply and that we'll basically run out within the next 10 years or so. Most of these are just estimates, some being more radical than others. But the fact that oil supply is not increasing is disturbing enough. I'm starting to think the oil situation is alot more severe than most people think. What if the real reason for all the fighting in the middle east and Bush warring with Iraq is because oil is running so low and we need to fight there to keep our country running?

But then again, if the oil situation was this severe, wouldn't there be more regulation of oil usage, such as no more Nascar racing, conservative use of plane flights, more public transportation, etc? I hope this is the case. It could also be the case that people are just selling every bit of oil they dig up with no idea how much oil is actually left. Seriously, if I started up an oil company, I'd be selling every bit I dig up to make bank. I know about oil reserves, but I also read articles about how they are not as large as many people think with many miscalculations in the amount actually stored.

I read some articles about the possibility of a post-industrial stone age. People growing food in the back yard, using campfires for heat in the winter. Goodness. I hope the leaders of this world are capable to smoothly transition the world off the need to run off oil. Otherwise, we'll be stuck in wild chaotic warfare among nations for the last bit of oil that remains in the years to come.

Cinco De Mayo!

2008-05-04T13:34:00.002-04:00

The other week I learned Cinco De Mayo means the 5th of May, haha obviously.

Well for the last month and up to now I'm still looking for a job. I've got several interviews but no offers yet and also nothing that I really want. The two big criteria I look for right now in a job is simply, good pay for a person with my degree starting around ~60k/year and also good location, meaning up to 30min max commute from my house. If the pay is worth it, I'd consider prolly 45min commutes, but gas prices are getting too ridiculous for stuff like that.

Yesterday, was a fun day, first time I actually got out an hung out with some new people and old friends. First I went to a BBQ party by myself for my friend's up coming birthday. It was a tight party, loud crunk music and bunch of cute girls and beer games etc. Problem was I didn't know anyone there except the guy throwing it. Felt kinda awckward and I know I could of just met a bunch of new friends, but just felt so out of it. I had a decent time hugging my corner I guess, people was lunching and laughing alot. I didn't end up staying long becuase it was K_'s birthday an I was gonna go out with him last night. So I left the party after grubbin a bit and went out with K_ to eat again and go out to Bethesda.

At Bethesda, I couldn't drink much because I was so full from eating at the BBQ and Bennigans with K_ and others. The bar was typical standing around drinking and talking with each other as usual. I really wanted to go out an dance like crazy but nobody I was with was trying to dance so that kinda threw me off the night. Its weird how my comp sci friends are willing to go out clubbin an dance with girls whereas these guys won't. Bunch of hot/cute girls out that night. Was fun actually going out again. But at the end of the night I'm still jobless and searching.

What sucks is from my experiences yesterday and my job interviews I can definitely tell that I don't handle social pressure as well as I used to when I was gaming. I definitely need to get back into gaming. I know I can do it right now while searching for a job, but I'm gonna just keep waiting til I start getting paid. Job searching in itself is a job. Constantly waiting for phone calls, always gotta be ready for phone interviews, it sucks.

So... 2 Months Later

2008-03-31T14:27:00.002-04:00

guess ill quickly summarize whats been going on over the last two months.

basically i been playing poker, studying, an wasting time (TV + GAMES).

on poker,
went down to AC with flawless and his friend R_. had a horrible trip there, lost like $3000 from a combination of running bad and some bad plays. if i had played the best i thought i could have, prolly coulda saved about $1000 of losses. right now my BR is around a couple thousand an im jus grinding the $100 NL tables on FTP. primarily for pocket change/ spending money til i get a job.

currently an seriously poker is out of any future prospects in professionalism. right now im kinda realizing how much time i've wasted sitting around at home. im aggressively starting to look for jobs an hopefully start real soon to move out the sooner. im not lookin to land a bank-load paying job, almost anything i find moderately interesting with good enough pay to move out on. not to mention its gonna provide much needed experience in my career.

i was weighing the option of relaxing a couple more months, especially since the weather is starting to warm up. i kinda wanted to go out to the beach with friends an stuff, but realized all of them are working an all winter there hasnt been any fun trips either. so i gave up on that an decided its best to jus start making some money, grinding that 9-5.

on the idea of me getting a job programming games,
i kinda put that on the back burning too. after doing some more studying an reading some forums i realized how far from reach that is right now. im gonna continue doing some leisure programming on my own while im working and hopefully i can get a job doing what i do in my leisure programming. right now though im trying to move out.

aside from the fact that i been wasting alot of time watchign TV an games, i been getting bak into the habit of working out and sleeping earlier. now i wake up earlier an do more productive things such as reading/programming in the morning.

on health,
i went to the gym one day with K_ an M_S_ . it was clearly the sickest gym i ever went too. that had bball courts, indoor courts, sick gym room, sick room full of exercising machines, dance room, pool room, hot tubs, saunas, steam rooms. and racks of cleans towels for every to use. i felt lik i was some celebrity in a hollywood type gym. its lik 250$+ to sign up an lik 80$/month after that. thats mad expensive wtf! i got in that one day cuz K_ put me as his guest for free. but damn that place was high value like shit. the place was called Lifestyle Fitness or soemthign in columbia. im prolly gonna sign up there once i get a job an get fit for real. well i weighed myself there an turned out i gained 10 pounds since i last checked. totalling 195 lbs. im a fat ass now. also i couldnt even play one game of 2v2 bball cuz i was so out of shape. i kinda reminded me of how unhealthy i am, also considering i been drinking and smoking all this time. so i started to run regularly now. im deadset on getting in damn good shape an slimming my belly down. this spring im prolly gonan be running almost every day.

Some Casual Conversations

2008-02-06T00:34:00.000-04:00

so today i hit up some friends i went to UMCP with that i havent talked to in awhile.

one of them jus reminded me what the hell im gonan do for a living. he (T) was asking how i was doing in poker, i basically told him that im jus making pocket change, nothing big enuf to make a living out of. he then tells me how he hates his job working 12 hours a day workin for the "man" in the big rat race. another big surprise! who would've thought working the 9-5 pm wouldnt be fun?

sigH*. one of my other friends (R) who works doesnt really complain, he jus works man. he's the type who jus accepts the way things are an keeps chugging away.

on another note, i talked to K_ about his upcoming europe trip. the plane ticket costs lik 500$ an he's planning on stayin there for 5 days. i kinda hoped it woulda been atleast a week. but im thinking of goin with him. he said he leaving early march. so i think i got some time to decide. the chance to see europe while im still unemployed seems lik a good chance i prolly wont have later on when i start working, so im gonna think more about it.

on another note. talked to a friend (T) who's also been tryin to game and he's talkina bout how i should come out with him to sarge. he thinks im some pro at gaming which im absolteuly not, prolly cant even open a set anymore since im so rusty. but im gonna go out with him to chill, catch up on old times, and prolly to talk to girls. fun times i hope :)

Opinions, Live Poker

2008-02-06T00:19:00.000-04:00

so since i last posted havent really done much cept a pretty long AC trip i went on. lasted lik 10 days playing live poker. spent lik $2500 on tournament costs and lik $500 on room and even more on living expenses. each tournament i busted out on cooler/badbeats an couldnt bag a big win at all to save my poker dreams. also, the fact that i cant play tournaments at all to save my life, except 10man SNG's, didnt help me either.

other than losing tournaments i played alot of cash. the first several days were straight down swings, break even an losing money. afterwards however, started making hands and made back all the money i spent on the trip. prolly $3000 total from the cash tables if not more. now taking this into consideration, making $3000 in 10 days, several of which were spent on tournament play or no play at all. i can prolly make around $3000/10days = $300/day. 300*365 = over $100,000/year. and also, i can think of several hands which i could of played better which woulda prolly gotten me to about $4000 across the 10 days. live poker is easy. however, since i dont got the roll to move out on my own and sustain a comfortable lifestyle with no stress across several losing months, theres no way i can go pro. also, personally i got kinda tired of grinding live poker tables. it got kinda old around the 5th day or so.

right now i ordered a fresh new LCD monitor and three books online about game design and game theory. i plan to read up on all that across the next 2-3 months. once spring rolls around im gonna start applying/researching for jobs i wanna do. hopefully, ill prolly start working before fall or up around then.

up until i start working though, im gonna also be playing ONLINE POKER AGAIN. (i kno ill run bad in the future an quit again lik always) im only planning on playing lik 500 hands a day at 100NL or 200NL and jus try to build steady pocket money and hopefully build up my roll a bit more. this summer Flawless is planning on goin to vegas so i might try live poker again, an maybe play in some WSOP events to win something, ya kno, ANYTHING.

Dejavu Surprise! I Quit Online

2007-12-19T14:39:00.000-04:00

yea so today i jus went on tilt an spewed all my chips away. got kinda outplayed by this guy heads up 200NL. i thought it was kinda obvious. in the first several hands he was raising huge an playing real reckless an showed me his bluffs and then immediately went into super tight mode. i was losing to his super aggressive play then lost more calling his 3bets light tryin to stack him. well things went real bad an after losing the past week i jus tilted an stacked away the money i had left on carbon poker.

i gotta admit i felt horrible after that session. but at the same time i was kind of releived because i been stuck on the tables for so much the past coupel of days and now that i ran out of money, i can finally stop being stuck. i cashed out $1500 so far, cant tell if this gonna get here anytime soon. so overall the past 10 days i made $1000 profit which is good obviously.

then after that i went upstairs to drink a cup of coffee and to i just started to realize how much money was controlling my life and my happiness. it was jus so ridiculous. i turned on the tube and saw this talk show of couples cheating with each other, children with unknown parents, and women crying hysterically. they're obviously lower class americans with problems larger than mine.

im kind of happy i quit online poker again, so many bad anchors with it. poker in generally i jus dont think it for me. well i always knew this, its jus that whether or not i allow money to control my happiness, the problem of "i need money" is still there. but lately i realized it's starting to totally consume me. i've decided to jus quit online poker for good for the time being.

instead ill spend the rest of this month actually programming more regularly. so far i'm jus really amazed and interested in all the things i've learned dealign with 2d graphics. i think i learned most of the basic tools to start programming some basic games. i'll prolly be able to program a working Tetris by the end of this month. which is going to be my new goal.

so i'll jus put off poker until january's borgata winter open and from then on i'll jus try and look to solve my money problems without having so much stress and concern with money day to day.

Mid December Holidays Are Coming

2007-12-17T11:53:00.000-04:00

so i havent posted in a long time, basically nothing really interesting going on lately. i've started playing online poker AGAIN. been on several live poker trips to make some cash an each time i've made some money, prolly made ~$500 from live games. its was just a huge hassle getting into a live poker routine so after finding out about a real nice rack back deal i decided to play online again.

i was up ALOT of money, then took a shot at high stakes when i saw games looked pretty good. ran real bad an made some tilty calls costing me to lose basically my whole bankroll on the site. so far i made a good bit back and got a good enough bankroll to keep playing on the site. but this online poker is really annoying me, the money i can make from it is ridiculous but i just don't enjoy playing online during all these grind sessions. im definitely planning on going all out this winter at borgata to make real bank. not gonna blow my whole bankroll but after this borgata trip i don't plan on playing poker regularly like i have been doing for the past summers.

been studying programming for basic 2d graphics and stuff, im learning alot but at a real slow pace. i've been working more to balance my daily schedule of activities. sleep earlier, study early on the day, do some poker, then relax later on in the night.

so the holidays are coming and this time of year i always feel happy an great. reminds me of all the good times. my big brother is coming home in a week or so and there are gonna be some family reunions in new years. looking forward to all that!

Bad Beats In Life Kills My State Yo

2007-10-31T18:37:00.000-04:00

so today had to do some car things with my car an my mom's so i had to drop off my lil brother at school while we do these car things. anyways after i drop off my brother, i yeild on a right turn merge lane onto another road cuz cars were coming and i wasnt sure what lane they were in, coulda been int he lane i was turning too. obviously i had to yeild, there was acutally even a street YEILD sign. anyways i stop an wait, an next thing you know BOOM.

my head goes crashing into the steering wheel, i lean my head back, my glasses are completely fucked up, an my left lens falls from its socket. im thinking "WTF". all this liquid is all over my left hand, i look at it closer and its a mess load of blood from a cut over my left eye. my glasses cut me up good. freaking sucked. basically my car was fine so we jus exchanged infos and he gave me $120 for my glasses. if my cut heals fine thins might just be over. i went to a glasses shop an they fixed up my glasses for free, with sum tweezers n stuff. the car looks fine, so its not nearly as bad as it could have been, but the accident jus wasted like 2 hours of my time, took lik a cup of my blood out my system, and jus made me feel lik crap all day.

whatever, glad that things are settling down more, at home now, chillin. alot of my computer parts came in today int he mail, cant wait to get this thing up an running.

Money > Game?

2007-10-31T03:38:00.000-04:00

Yea so an old friend of mine stopped by today an we chilled while i helped out on some stuff involving school. We talked about gaming a bit and some funny things came up, heh.

So right now im perfectly aware that money does not mean happiness. So a person can be perfectly happy without money. But, i think one thing im aware of is that a person with money and a person without money, both with positive frames and equal creativity, the guy with moeny will generally be more happy i think. One can argue that no matter the situation, a guy with a astrong enuf frame can be just as happy as any rich guy. But i think, the same poor guy with a happy mindset would seriously jus be more happier with all the money in the world at his disposal. Knowing this, I know i COULD technically be happy without money, but i also know that with money, i could be MORE happy, and i just choose to pick the happier of the two. One can always say "yea i'll be happy with this one girl" but what if theres another girl that'll make you even more happy overall? wouldnt you want to be with that girl? obviously, theres a point where u cant keep searching for a new girl that'll always make u happier, but this money situation is just so obviously, obviously having money will give u more options to do other things to increase the happiness in your life. the rich who are unhappy just don't know how to live it up.

poker is just killing me now, it totally disillusioned my feel for how much money is actually worth. my friends who fight over 5-10$ im thinking wtf, is this the mindset normal people who don't play poker have??? its just so sad how this world revolves around money, even down to the dollar, in a world where so few have millions. just from all this thought, whether its a limiting belief or not, I just feel like money is holding me back from being free to explore what game has to offer me. I mean, come one, if I wanna get laid, money can do that for me.

I know right now I'm not the type of person who looks for money to be happy, because when I'm out with my friends, I have a great time, money is not an issue at all, I just have a blast just hanging out and laughing my ass off. But if this is the case, then why am I looking for money? Seriously, I don't know. It's like theres two worlds everyone lives in. The good life, and the real life. People go out, hang out with friends, go the bars/clubs, live it up, buy drinks, get drunk, laugh lots and do it up. But thats only one side of it all. After the party, people got work, bills, responsibilities, family, etc etc. Haha, i think i just thought up something interesting. These two worlds, its like gaming is the key to one lock, and money the key to the other.

Fuk'n money, I hate that zhit.

Hrmm.... Ending Cake Again?

2007-10-31T03:21:00.000-04:00

Sooo.... this month is coming to a close and across 100k hands of poker, I ended this month down $500. Made back a good bit this week most of my losses is coming back from rakebreak. Today was an interesting day, I was running pretty good an was up 3 buyins at one point, of course the state i was in I was thinking that i could actually make back alot more of my losses and possibly break even for the month if i kept playing, which could possibly be the case. However, then there came the small down swings from my good runs. I was moving from being up 3 buyins to only 1 buy in, and finally ended the day being up 2 buy ins. (I can't say if this is actually running good because i got sucked out on 2-3 outters plenty of times today, but im actually winning hands as well) This week I been generally winning consistently like i used to in the good ol days. I'm sure if i kept playing i'll be on my way to being back on the green online. However, I'm reminding myself of the horrid run i had earlier this month. Although i did play bad i know for a fact there was alot of bad luck int he equation as well. I'm still skeptical of how legit cake poker is. Whether or not it is legit, I'm glad for the bad run because i've gotten so much better and began thinking alot more about hands than i did before.

I'm tempted to keep money in cake and keep playing because of this small comeback i had this week, but i think its just another test of discipline to just quit this game while im down only $500. theres a very good chance i could have kept playing today and possibly tomorrow to break even and maybe pull off a small profit with RB, but i'm jus gonna close the books on cake poker for now. last chance for poker is gonna be the live play in AC and Borgata poker tourneies. But, now I'm seriously taking steps to move on from poker, because although i discovered a whole new side to the game, the swings are just becoming unbearable. Now im jus gonna wait til the month ends, get my RB an cash out and move on.

Something on a side note, i been watching the WSOP Horse tournaament on TV and saw Daniel Negreanu tilting making bad calls and losing chips. I thought the guy was an amazing pro, but apparently even they go on tilt and suck now an then, i wonder how much experience he actually has compared to me. I know im a bad tilter now and then, especially when losing several buyins in a very short amount of time. But, i seirously wonder how good these pro live players are making a living compared to decent online players. seriously... i mean wtf look at that one guy Kidow or whatever is his name, guy sucks ballz and making final tables in multiple huge tournies.... wtf? *sigH*

Was a Bad Day

2007-10-22T03:14:00.000-04:00

on a poker note, today was just another horrible session, lost about 5 buy ins. more KK vs AA's, which i find unbelievable, im starting to seriously think this site CANNOT possibly be statistically accurate. i feel like im just gambling playing on this site, normally all in with KK should be a free stack preflop, but i think over the course of this weekend, my KK's has lost me about 10 buy ins worth of money. not to mention my AA's are rarely getting any stacks or money. i can only recall 2 stacks i won with AA, which were both against KK. all this KK vs AA an vice versa is just way too ridiculous. logically if poker was the only way i plan on making a living off of, ill move down an work my way back up. but im not gonna move down right now because its just a waste of time, i have confidence in my play to know that the only way im losing money is with monster hands, i.e. sets, over pairs, etc etc. im gonna just take the risk of going completely broke staying at 100NL instead of grinding out 20NL tables all month. way i see it, if im gonna spend time playing poker before i get a job, im gonna risk it all to win big or just go broke. that said, right now i got about $850 left, ill play 100NL rest of this month or until i go broke.

i plan on two possible outcomes from this decision:
1.) i start winning again, hopefully have $2000 in my account, with about $3000 rakeback. totaling $5000, $1000 going back to debt. leaving me with $4000 which i plan on cashing out leaving me break even for the month. its a possibility that if i run incredibly good that i might keep playing on cake...
2.) other outcome would be to go bust in the next couple of days, maybe even as early as tomarrow. just get my $2100 RB, pay back $1000 in debt, and cash out $1100. this will leave my total bankroll to be about $4000. i'll prolly risk $2000-3000 on live poker. maybe $500 on a tourney this winter. (obviously a big risk being about 15% of my bankroll) from there i'll decide what to do next.

so thats whats up

Was a Fun Night

2007-10-22T02:42:00.000-04:00

so saturday night was C_'s SBDP on a boat cruise in the potomac in DC. it was alot of damn fun, lots of high school friends and bunch of people i don't know. the boat wasnt ballerish but it was good enuf, the weather an the scenary jus made it all together sick. the girls there... errr like half of busted and the other half real cute an a few sexy as hell.

i had a blast an jus felt like i was the highest value guy there, had some fresh new tee shirt and a neck peice on and it was jus straight up big pimpin'. everywhere i walked girls were checking me out yo. i talked to a few of the girls there but most of them had dates with them, especially the hot ones. i got real drunk, drun kas hell an woke up this morning with a huge hangover, which kinda sucked.

C_ was jus in awe all night, guy was totally unaware of what was goign on, we had him blindfolded when we parked into the place an walked him to the boat an unblinded him, everyone shouting Happy BDAY. was tight. good times chilling with friends there.

one thing that i thought was somewhat interesting is that when i first walked into the boat, lik 50% of the people there were asian. one group of girls i talked to was like "i was surprised when i got here, i didnt kno chalita had so many asian friends, but then i realized most of these people are christine's friends." just another example of how race matters, however subtle it is. i even made a mental note of the racial diversity when i first walked in.

uhh there were some particular girls i seen eyeing me down all night, like when i would turn around and an it'll be obvious they lookin at me an they quickly turn around looking elsewhere lol. S_Y_ was there and i felt like she wanted me to talk to her, but she was there with a guy i think is her b/f. but i jus ignored her most of the night. C_'s sisters were cool, talked to them for a bit. also seen C_S_ there, she dont look real cute anymore, kinda lik a 6 if anything. she had a fat friend with her who was real loud and energetic an had some fun with her. there wasnt much dancing going on, which i wanted to do but nobody there really danced. well after the cruise ended around 1am people was tryin to go the club, 1223. i wanted to go but my DD wasnt the club type and we jus ended up driving home. long ass ride an when i got home passed out. this cruise was a BYOB type thing, an me n K_ thought the alochol would be on low supply cuz we was runnign late an about to not bring enuf for us, but apparently there was a boat load of alcohol there, lik 30 handles and 100 cans of beer, there was so much alcohol leftover, shouldnt even have brought any for ourselves. didnt take any back home, C_ jus took it all home with him. happy bday C_.

Horrid Slums

2007-10-20T04:06:00.001-04:00

been getting back into poker lately and things are just going horrible. i seriously have no clue how i made all the money i did in poker at one point. when i got back online i was up like $1700. then lost that $1700, burrowed $2000 lost that, paid it back and cashed in another $2000. right now had to reload another $1000. im down about $4000 of the $5000 i put online. im getting about $2000 in RB so far, prolly gonna build up to $3000 by the end of the month if i dont go bust.

right now im just in a horrible run of luck. i'd say i lost prolly 10% to bad beats on rivers, but about 70% of the time i'm just in hands i'd never fold when im winning and running into bigger hands. its just insane. the rest 20% i'd would say is from tilt or bad play in general. lately i've been watching poker videos and analyzing the different playstyles these pros have. aggression is something i definitely learned to add back into my play.

i dropped down from $200 NL to $100NL all the way to $50NL. i made back like $500 at $50NL. i thought i was runnign normal again then moved up to $100NL and things are going crazy sour again. putting me into my current situation. current down like 10 buy ins at $100NL. i have total confidence in my play and can honestly say i've gotten alot better going though this losing experience and watching the videos. after watching green plastic's video and his comments i started to realize one of the reasons im losing is because all i do is play ABC poker. ABC poker playing cards cant help when all im dealt are big hands that lose. learning to earn money outside of getting good cards is something i need to work on. combined with solid reads on players, aggression can be a lethal tool.

poker aside, tomarrow hopefully is gonna be a fun day. C_'s bday is today and i was supposed to go out with him to hang out but things got late and i jus canceled that, felt kinda bad not going out on his bday. but tomarrow he has his big SBDP so im looking forward to that. hopefully gonna be alot of fun. some good times are desperately needed in this crazy rut.

Goodbye Dinner

2007-10-07T13:18:00.000-04:00

J_H_ had a goodbye dinner for his trip off to Europe for grad school, went out to maggiano's a sick ass restaurant in bethesda/DC or sumthing. the food was damn amazing there, the atmosphere was so ballerish, never ate at a place so high class before. generally didnt have much to conversate about but had alot of fun keeping a smile and eating good food. small chit chat here n there, but generally i was an outsider listening on the conversation.

on the way to J_B_'s place something interesting was talked about in the car which frustrated me because i knew exactly what was going on but K_ and C_L_ didnt, an i tried to explain it in the most generic way possible but they just didnt agree. C_L_ was basically talkin about how her lil brother breaking up with his g/f an going to college made him upset an cling on to his ex even though the g/f picked up a new b/f and moved on more easily than he did, basically what was going on was that her lil bro had oneitis and prolly couldnt pick up a girl as high value as his ex as fast as she got a new b/f. made him want her even more now. C_L_ was upset how he was all upset over his ex and she wanted her lil bro to jus go out to the bar an get a new girl. i tried explaining how cute girls got much more options than guys an how its easier for them to move on, but K_ and C_L_ didnt wanna hear it. they think guys have it just as easy as girls when it comes to getting into new relationships.

afterwards went over to J_B_ place and WTF his parents house is freaking SICK, pool tables, nice furniture, sick sign posts on walls, sick bar. its just straight up ballerish, episode off cribs yo. we chilled there, pregamed and went out to the bars in bethesda with J_H_, K_, C_L_, B_, J_B_, S_.

so i went out to a bar in bethesda an was buzzin, had a fun night dancing. was funny cuz the two girls we were with both had b/f's. one of then C_L_ and the other C_. C_ had her b/f with her that night while C_L_ b/f was at home busy with stuff. of all the guys who came with us only me K_ and J_H_ was dancing. the girls were sweating me on the dance floor, C_L_ kept eyeing me down an C_ was always talkin about how i dance good. C_ seems to always try an talk to me and get to know me better, she's cute, i'd say 6. funny cuz C_L_ was kinda making fun of the how J_H_ an K_ dances to me. also interesting that C_L_ used to be high value to me, but lately i just dont feel it. i just danced in front of them, no grinding, woulda made it seem awckward with C_L_ b/f being a good friend of mine and C_'s b/f there with us. J_H_ always always making strong moves on C_L_ which was kinda funny as well since we all know C_L in a serious long relationship lol.

the whole night i felt cool as hell, girls all sweating me, me lookin mad hot an sexy. good state yo.

after the bar we were heading out and something interesting happened. outside the bar were lik 3 guys who looked ~16. we was walkin to the car an J_H_ jus out of the blue was calling them bitches and young ass kids an how he'll kick their ass. so they get pissed an i jus calm them down an said J_H_ was jus drunk. but J_H_ keeps yelling smack while walking towards our car away from them. they get pissed an start following us into the parking garage, i was thinking maybe its time to throw down if it comes down to it. they keep following us and after a bit i turn around an confront them telling them to not take to heart the things J_H_ is saying since he's drunk (at the same time C_L_ and J_H_ keeps provoking them saying they're some young ass kids that need to go home). then steve turns around an starts bluffing about having hundred of people who got our back like we're some sick crew, which obviously isn't true. the kids start bluffing back saying they got people too.... obviously they arent street an i could care less. anyways eventually they jus back off after i tried to calm them down and we get to our car.

i tell C_L_ that i wasnt about all that, picking fights when we dont have to, she thought i was kirking out at her an she starts bitching about how im a punk an that i was scared of them. now at this point im pissed off that she thinks im a bitch for not being sum ignorant belligerant fool. and i think normally if i was some low value prick who sweats hot girls i'd prolly just be lik "o nah whatever, an jus drive her home" but nope. tonight i had to make her understand im higher value than her. i told her straight up, we not leaving until she apologizes, an for lik 10-15 minutes we were arguing about why she needs to apologize, an she knew she was on the wrong lmao. what was funny is that i was lik "yea well if ur not apologizing, u can go home with S_, cya". at first she is lik "ok whatever, come on S_" but she realizes guy lives lik 40 minutes out of the way from where she lives an she jus tries ignoring me an gets in my car. we sit in my car arguing about how she needs to apologize an eventually she does, she wasnt gonna get away from being a bitch to me just because of her looks. i basically stood my ground made her realize her position an got my apology. what was real cool was how i handled it, i wasn't lik mr. west beign a cry baby, i was cool calm collect, and laid down my arguments an made her realize she was wrong. afterwards there were some fun bantering going on an i think me an her got to be friends from this encounter. i felt alpha as hell setting her straight. i would think most beta guys would let her have her way, its funny how she dont affect me yo. make it hot.

A Hit at the Live Games

2007-10-02T08:40:00.000-04:00

went to AC this past weekend, played about ~30 hours over the weekend and made about ~400$ from the cash tables. buy from living expenses ended up with only $100 profit. poker-wise i learned the real importance of reads on players, putting people on ranges can determine how hands are played much more than the hole cards, definitely realized how bad in poker i was. discussions with Flawless on how to think deep in poker hands was interesting an motivated me to learn more about poker. last day in AC lost a majority of my earnings playing bad and stubborn, shoulda been up ~$600 in profit at the minimum.

lots of discussion with Flawless on gaming and value was really interesting. talked about values and how society interprets value on so many different levels and perspectives. currently, im really motivated to get good at poker and possibly go pro, not sure when im gonna be getting into game full time. live tables are soo bad its ridiculous, its funny how much of an advantage online players have against live players. most live players cant even adjust to blind stealing, lol. i loved wearing my fake earrings but now sick of all the pain the clip ons bring, im prolly gonna peirce my ears this coming weekend.

Be Superbad!

2007-08-26T09:44:00.000-04:00

saw the movie Superbad last night blazed as hell and man i love that movie, it was hilarious and had such a nostalgic feel to it. it reminded me of the good times when i was younger, but it also made me a bit sad in a way, i felt like i missed out on a lot when i was younger. thinking of this, it gets me thinking of how much im missing out on right now. its crazy.

Ibiza iza da shizaaa!

2007-08-17T22:46:00.000-04:00

last night went out to a new club that just opened about a month ago, Ibiza in DC next to Fur, place was really awesome, large dance floors and sick lazers everywhere, smoke etc etc. multiple rooms and a real chill roof area that is perfect for gaming.

went out with T_ and K_. both of which know about game but are really bad, worse off than me an i only know how to open.

i did no game at all, although T_ was pressuring me to show his two friends how to open a set. one of his friends was really energetic and ballsy and opened some sets in front of me, crashign a burning and creating very awckward vibes, but he had balls, which is a big plus. generally there alot more guys out than girls. but the few girls that were there were banging hot. was college night so lots of 18+ year olds. did no sets, but danced a lot and got some grinding action. was good fun.

today saw episode two of this mystery show on VH1 and i cant believe how lame most of the guys on that show are. i wonder how mystery will ever change them to be confident smooth fellas. the show is interesting to some degree because it looks so legit and real, and i can relate to a certain level of where those guys are, but its also kinda annoying to watch since the guys are so pathetic.

lately been playing too much WoW, ever since i stopped going to the gym and stopped playing online poker, i been on WoW all day and its really killing my state. im gonna try and read online or get some books that'll help me on my career path tomarrow. im also thinking i should go out an try an work on game again, like going to the mall or something and just talking to girls.

Quit Cake

2007-08-15T14:54:00.000-04:00

so ever since i lost 5k from online poker due to horrible luck i been constantly thinking of quitting online poker and trying out live or focusing on a getting a real job.

well last night came back from playing bball and i had a headache from all the physical strain with my body being out of shape, i guess its from lack of oxygen to the brain?

anyways, had the most horrible session of my life, never had so many bad beats and set-ups in less than 1000 hands before in my life, lost another $1500 and now cashing whatever money i had left. officially quit online poker at cake. all dreams of poker being a possible lifestyle for me have also been ruled out, i hope to just make some pocket change and to view poker as some sort of hobby where i hopefully can enjoy to play it instead of playing for money. after the end of this session, my slight headache became one of the most mindsplitting headaches i ever had in my life, i had trouble brushing my teeth before bed because moving my head back forth just pained me so much.

current goals:
-i wanna watch this show on VH1 about Mystery boot-camping guys.
-play some live poker at AC or vegas. risk probably $2000 on live poker play. change my perspective of poker as for fun instead of as a living.
-focus on getting a job at game programming

July 07 Update

2007-07-21T11:15:00.000-04:00

ok so i shoulda been updating things more frequently but things were just messing around with me all month preventing me from wanting to update anything.

lost $2000 end of last month, thought things would be fine since i would make $4000 from RB, so i got that $4000 then lost another $3000 and made me feel awful. i lost everything i made last month from rake in less than a week beginning o fthis month. i stopped playing poker for a bit, went on a road trip with family to north dakota to visit my family for about 2 weeks.

the road trip was pretty awful. the people living in the central states of the US are mostly farmers, hicks, and trashy ass people. they're generally nice though, they try an welcome visitors, but the few that act awckard were really weird. im very glad to be back home with so much diversity, minorities for the win!. when we got to minot, north dakota we met up with my older brother and it was completely boring, WHY did we go there? nothign to do there and cant do any crazy parties cuz of mom an dad. anyways there were sum family fights between my father and me an my old vbrother. goodness, my dad is so ignorant. at home i barely talk to him so i guess the few times we do talk things went well, our relationship seemed to have stabilized at home. but on the road spending so much time with him, things got nasty, he kept saying ignorant things, acting so stubborn, he'll never learn shi* in his life about how to live happy. i cant blame him though, he's one lonely ass depressed person in general, he has no friends or social activity, makes me sad how stuck he is in life.

other notes, we stopped by the Theordore Roosevelt National Park, looked real nice. then we went to Mount Rushmore, it was okay, not much to do there once you see and take pictures of the mountain. then we went to Wind Cave, pretty cool place. also went to some dinosaur museum, was okay.

got back home tuesday night around 4am. started playing poker again made back $1000 so far. i dont think poker is for me, downswings are jus ridiculous. im still up alot in general, but im gonna play less poker than i did before, unless i start winning again.

*during the trip 2 weeks of no laction.

Everyday is Like Clockwork

2007-06-27T12:08:00.000-04:00

everyday for the past month i just been doing the same routine day in and day out. its getting old and i feel like i should change things up for sure next month.

wake up -> poker -> gym -> bball -> poker -> wow -> sleep -> repeat.

crap is getting so repetitive and i feel so much less social nowadays. killin my state man. so far i made a good bit off poker this month, ill update after i get my bonus and everything. most definitely next month im gonna be going out to AC trips and crap an doing more fun things rather than staying in all day.

doing this same routine everyday and tryin to fit in some other things i want to do made me realize how LITTLE time there is in one day, i wake up doing my things and next thing u kno its time to sleep, wtf. i been tryin to hang out with sum friends i havent seen in a while and i jus cant ever decide what day ill cut poker out an hang out in. some friends out in europe coming bak home in a couple of days, and cant wait to chill with them at a BBQ they having in a couple of days. looking forward to that!

Poker or Poke Her?

2007-06-15T23:22:00.000-04:00

lately been playing so much poker, and started going to the gym again and also began running regularly to get healthy. i also been spending some time playing WOW again, almost lvl 70, which would free up some time. this game is horrible, but i wanna play it with my brothers in some pvp stuff.

i never had a poker site or poker deal that consistently ran for several months, i've played at lik 5-6 different sites over the last 2-3 years and each one keeps closing offers, closing up in general, or whatever. i need to focus my time on poker while it lasts to build up some pocket change for the next several months. if this poker deal goes on hopefully and i keep playing well, i might just hang on to poker for a bit longer. currently im up about $6500 this month with special deals an all.

havent spent anytime at all working on gaming. what i decided recently was to go around during the early day hours an work on day game, just talking to strangers and play poker during the night. i figure one of my biggest sticking points is just staying in conversation and i can easily work on this in day game.

something i found really pathetic is that randomly sometimes i think of some of the girls i been talking to over the last school year for no reason at all, and i wonder if they ever think of me. but what i come to realize is that the reason i think of them is because i have no other people to think about at the times, i need to fucking meet new girls. they on the other hand must have a much bigger social network of people who constantly keep their attention, giving them no reason to think about me. its pathetic, i need a damn g/f and a f-close, ASAP; and yet i NEED money more, WTF!

Hard to Fight Emotions

2007-06-07T00:01:00.001-04:00

so i've lost $2100 earlier today in poker. blown.

got a ridiculous prank call from flawless about US Dept of Justice and illegal poker, mad funny, i was cracking up. this phone-internet chat service is hilarious, i plan on using it to prank some friends.

afterwards, went to school to lift, something i need to commit myself into doing more regularly. there is something i've noticed about how my body reacts to the "need to lift." i've been lifting regularly for about 8 years now, since freshman year in high school, and i've done a lot of after school sports which physically wore my body out. im not sure about the whole biology behind my body but there were times in school where if i wouldn't lift for a week i'd feel so groggy and horrible, stressed out and absolute crap. well, lifting today felt REALLY good. i felt so healthy and fit and i feel like my body needed to release all that tension from poker and everything else.

well so i come back home from lifting and start another poker session, i felt absolutely relaxed and worn out from lifting. my mind was totally relaxed and focused on the game. basically, owned the tables and made back $1400 tonight. during this session there was something i learned that contributed to my losses earlier today. i wasn't playing poker, i was playing cards for money. basically each time i lost money in poker i felt like i was losing and got more and more frustrated. but the fact is, in poker, losing money doesnt mean losing, its just a result. i folded aces twice tonight on a board which i normally would've gotten stacked on. i realized, that after i lose a lot of money in a hand and i think over what happened after the hand, i regret the decisions i made. which meant, while i was in the game, i wasnt playing poker, i was jus in it for the money. i was basically playing poker AFTER losing the money, which is no good, im starting to focus during my game, off AIM, with only 6 tables instead of 8, NOT using autobet buttons but fingers which will TYPE exactly WHAT i thought of betting. there was a state of mind i was in tonight where my perspective of playing poker was TOTALLY different. i need to maintain this focus in all my sessions.

in relation to gaming, there are so many things that relate to poker. right now i picture myself earlier today while tilting all my money away as if i was emotionally BLOWN out of some bad set of girls, going crazy, being frustrated and out of control, giving up on properly playing the game. thats just ridiculous. some bad sets or some bad beats, it shouldnt affect me at ALL. these small things have NO affect in the bigger picture of things.

its funny how the same reason why people lose so much in poker is the same reason why people never get good at PUA, its so hard to fight emotions.

Restart the Game

2007-06-02T03:26:00.000-04:00

since finals an graduation, i haven't done much game at all, i canceled several plans to go out an sarge with some of my newbie friends, well today i made a commitment to go out yesterday; after canceling going out. well i almost canceled again today because i was gonna go out with flawless and he was so tired, he was about to stay in and my one friend J_ didn't pick up his phone. well i had T_ meeting with me with his friends so i think i would've went out regardless, but i almost didn't. i need to get into habit of going out regularly.

lately i been playing A LOT of poker and making a lot of money playing at 1/2 NL. i feel real good about that, im on a upswing right now. im in the process of fighting the habit of staying in at home playing poker on the comp an games all day, im trying to go out more regularly and incorporate it into my lifestyle.

so i ended up going out tonight and first stop was the mall with flawless, i couldn't believe how rusty i was, the first set i opened i was shuddering and felt horrible, she blew me out an was like "eh.. yea nice try..." *blown out*. anyways, things got better since then, me an flawless was talking about the mindset we were in going out "trying" to game instead of "just socializing". i remembered how stupid my AA was when i realized that getting blown out is seriously no big deal, i'd never see these people again! so i started opening again there. at the bar i opened a few sets and some went really good, i need to still learn to stay in and plow through all my crap. its important to not only learn to beat the stages of the game, but to also maintain the skills. social dynamics are powerful, and just like lifting weights, if you don't keep at it, you can lose what you worked for. i gotta deal with my AA all over again, but it should be a lot easier to get over the 2nd time around.

tomorrow i got plans for some of my newbie friends to play poker at my place and to run some routines with them. these guys are open minded and humble, willing to learn and to ask for advice. i really admire people who are willing to learn.

Fight Club?

2007-05-27T05:45:00.000-04:00

another interesting thing happened tonight, on the walk back to my car in DC, some black/african group of 4-5 guys walked up to us drunk and one of them was asking if E_ wanted to fight or box or sumthing, and E_ started antagonizing the fight and seriously wanted to brawl, im thinking "WTF IS THIS GUY THINKING?" we're out numbered, and these guys were like twice the size of us. i saw absolutely no reason for the fight, just E_ antagonizing it. guy got pride issues. all i felt from E_ was negative vibes, i can chill with him just fine cuz E_ is cool in a lot of ways; but there are also a lot of cool people who compliment the lifestyle i want to live, positively.

personally i do not think fighting is the answer for any problems anyone might have, if it means sucking up your pride, then do it, be the fucking man who can take the insults of some low value chump. i'd only fight if the guy lays a hand on me. i feel like if a guy can't find a way to walk away from a physical confrontation, its due to the lack of social skills. dont buy into the frame of the other guy who wants to fight, set up your own reality and walk away, you'll never see him again, so why should it matter? its almost being scared to approach a set you'll never see again, who cares? you got nothing to protect but your pride, be humble and be strong. dont let pride control the life you live, live a life that you can be proud of.

Poker Is Ugh.

2007-05-27T05:38:00.001-04:00

so i got no job and i dont want some 9-5 boring ass job right now straight out of college, i want to live it up a bit and have fun learning game for several months then start getting professional about financial stuff. so im playing poker right now to make some money while learning game and hopefully to also study some things about business and computer programming for video games.

yesterday made a fresh $800 from poker but tonight i lost $400. poker is some crazy ass stuff, i been struggling in it lately and part of it has to do with my lack of effort in trying to get good. i feel like i recognize my big leaks which is causing me to lose alot of money, i dont feel the need to try and be the best at poker, i feel like im good enough to make the money i need at this moment off poker. i hope to make a couple thousand the next month to get me by, if i go broke im gonna have to look for some part time job delivering pizza or something.

losing $400 tonight sucked, but its only 2 buy ins and if i played perfectly tonight i might've been up $200 instead. its interesting how hard it is for me to play perfect sessions that meet my limited expectations of the game, hindsight reveals all my mistakes but its so hard to learn from them.

A Long Nighter

2007-05-27T05:24:00.000-04:00

its 5:25 AM, just got in and writing up the story of the night

game-wise was very unproductive, basically i did nothing. opened 2 sets today and did no bantering, was horrible, i am very rusty from not going out for 2 weeks on gaming.

tonight went out with S_ and E_. they met up with M_ beforehand and they ditched him with a bill at a hookah bar to meet up with me. it was pretty shady of them, i would never do something like that, but at the same time i thought it was kinda funny, lol, o well.

wasted $7 for parking at Georgetown only to leave right after meeting up with S_ and E_. we headed down to Adams Morgan to meet up with two of S_'s friends, N_ and K_. Both were really tall, N_ is about HB6, skinny. K_ is also HB6 but a big ass and tits, real thick and voluptuous, banging. both were really boring with nothing to say and was always so serious at first. i know in conversations the guy needs to input 90% and let girls reply with 10%. i was a dead beat tonight and could not talk about anything, i felt so lame.

after a boring ass hour chillin at the bar not talking about anything at all, we left and the girls seemed to be more lightened up and acted more cheerful, then when we got to my car things started going ape-shit. the girl K_ started crying and shit and feeling sick and kept asking to get out the car to throw up and shit and we had to keep stopping and waiting for 10 minutes, wtf. if i was her i woulda jus got out and get it all over with, i got methods of throwing up if i really have to. she a noob yo. anyways, she started crying like shit for no reason an kept sobbing about how embarassed she is because she was so sick and throwing up, i was thinking "WTF, CHILL. JUST DO IT AND LETS GO". K_ kept crying and asking us to just go home and leave K_ and N_ in DC for someone else to come pick them up, i'm thinking wtf? had to pull over lik 3-4 times and wait lik 10-15 minutes each time to wait for K_ and convince her that i'll drive them to the metro station. eventually we all got in the car and i had to drive my ass with everyone all the way up 270 to shady grove metro station, place far as hell wtf. anyways, so i dropped them off after constantly pulling over and dealing with K_'s unnecessary drama and now im at home when the sun is starting to rise at 5:30 AM.

bar/club game is lame, i realize the conversations in those areas are so difficult and not normal. i'm planning on going out day time primarily to work on learning how to talk to people. my failure tonight is a reminder of my lack of focus in the game, and lack of dedication, i need to get off my ass and start making moves.

Graduation

2007-05-23T04:58:00.001-04:00

5/23

So finally college is REALLY over, went to both the graduation ceremonies the 20th and 21st. The first one was horrible, the whole school one, where the speakers were bad, not interesting and very dumb. The second one was alot better, i really liked some of the things that were said. The individual name calling was pretty cool too. I can't believe all this is over now...

So i started playing poker again, i wont get into it much, jus that im really bad irght now and slowly remembering how to play. its a state killer for sure, especially if you're losing.

One of the most interesting things said by 3/4 speakers in the graduation ties directly into social dynamics. Millionaires and successful innovative people are extremists in life who stand out of the norms of society. With each reward from society for an individual's unique accomplishments, there is pressure to behave in ways that pleases society, which strays them from their radical ideals and lifestyle as extremists. A speaker said all the forces of society force great unique people to fit into the norms of the average person. Learn to stand out and do things different from society against society's averaging forces.

College Is Over.

2007-05-23T04:53:00.000-04:00

5/16

colleges is done. funny thing happened today, i was finishing up my last exam with the redhead in the class, i felt lik she was waiting for me to finish so she could meet me while we walk outside of class, this is what we did on the midterm... anyways... i kept looking to the left of me seeing if she was waiting for me... i was taking real long to finish and i kept waiting to see if she'll finish before me an leave... then when i finished taking the exam i just got up and ready to turn it in and the redhead finished at the same time as me. i swear this girl was waiting for me to finish my exam so she could walk out with me, anyways... i head out with her right behind me an i look at her with a smile/laugh. there are two of her friends waiting outside and from here it got real awkward, i just cant isolate this damn girl!

one of her big friend leaves the 2nd girl waiting outside and walks with her and i felt like she cockblocked me. the redhead wouldnt go/hang out with me with the big friend around, and i was being jus AFC< not being persistent enough, i jus asked to go eat wings at this place an she said she had to pack, it was a dumb excuse, she said she was leaving home two days later... i feel lik she wants to get to know me but im jus messing up, i messaged her on facebook. i have oneitis feelings over this HB6 girl, because i feel lik she's really down to earth and that i could learn alot from her.

i know i WILL NOT get into any serious relationship though, i already made a solid promise with myself on those grounds, i will need to master my social skills before any social barrier commitments.

excited to start gaming over this summer, i got financial worries, flawless making me want to play online poker again, but i hate all those long waits to cash out. i still wanna get out the house an live in AC for about a week, contemplating.

got plans to game girls with two friends from school, one called T_ and the other J_. T_ and J_ both accept the possibilities of gaming, but are real AFC, just like me, i wonder how i'll ever learn to get past my Attr sticky point. if i can get a good conversation with the redhead, i feel lik i'll learn more about it, i jus need to learn to talk to girls in general wtf!

Social Talk with Rockstar

2007-05-23T04:52:00.000-04:00

5/15

talked about sum serious social theoretics with a friend from my comp sci class, he had such a deep understanding about social dynamics that he learned on his own, its amazing.

first time i ever had an energy drink that works, Rockstar Energy Drink, it was freaking amazing, B-vitamins amp you up!

Unhappy Happy Hour

2007-05-23T04:51:00.000-04:00

5/11

went to happy hour at applebees for "cheap" drinks but the damn things were lik 6$ on the regular and only 5$ on happy hour and ended up dropping 35$ for a 70$ bill. first time at happy hour an it was mad expensive, it was dumb.

met up with S_ and E_ in CP bars to work on game. Place was dead beat! It felt kind of weird because the busiest bar was the empty I've ever seen it. Opened one 4-set and things went really well and i exited, was thinking of using it to transition to comfort, but 4got the fact that there is no isolation at all and i ran out of things to say, re-entered with lack of material a n things went dead.

Classes Over, High State on a Low Night

2007-05-23T04:50:00.001-04:00

5/10

last day of classes was boosted lik hell, was in state like crazy, played pool at C_'s, hung out at S_'s for a bit. was good times, then bars were packed and had like lines of 100 people outside each one an my rides decided to leave around 11:30, which was REALLY lame because i wanted to party it up lik hell, i was really upset an pissed. pulling out of the parking lot, i decided to try to get into the bars an take the metro home the next morning or sumthing. the line stopped dead for 30 minutes and i called up K_ to give me a ride an luckily he did. went home blazing an bummed out.

Dumb Meet Up

2007-05-23T04:49:00.000-04:00

5/5

last weekend met two cool girls, went out thurs-fri, this weekend went out only thurs so far, plan to go out today, called up those two girls to meet up, and met up in adams morgan bars, was a horrible idea, shoulda isolated for a 2:2 date type environment. i had major AA before calling them, first time calling sum girls i barely knew, but i eventually did. the girls showed up with lik 15 doods they all knew and from the whole setting i had a really hard time getting to know them better. things died down an me, S_ an E_ ended up doing our own things.

Cali Girls

2007-05-23T04:48:00.000-04:00

4/28

met some really cool girls from California interning in the DC area. vibed pretty well, i can tell red head was givin me IOI's talking about how she dated an Asian an very touchy (but she was touchy with everyone) got my first number close with her! yea yea who cares, its just a number, im working on it.

Self-Esteem vs Pride

2007-05-23T04:46:00.000-04:00

4/26

i was looking back in my previous entries and was editing some of the things and adding more info into the more empty dates. whatever i could remember, then i ran into the 4/8/07 entry and realized that some of the things i type isnt coming off too clearly. but one thing i do want to mention about feeling high self-worth. its just self-esteem. and i want to point out the clear difference between self-esteem and pride. i believe self-esteem is the right way to build up good state, a good feeling of oneself because YOU yourself believe you are great.

pride on the other hand i think is destructive to society and now that i think about it, humility is extremely important to live a happy life. pride is nothing but a comparison of oneself to others and feeling good that you are not them because you believe what you are is better than them. then i think pride is a measure of good feeling depending on how those around you are, which i think is a sign of weakness and the lack of a strong frame/identity. it gets complicated, im trying to think of better ways to put this, and there are of course exceptions to when some pride wont hurt, but maybe ill discuss this later.

Santa Fe Night Out

2007-05-23T04:40:00.000-04:00

4/26

(i just got back from going out on 4/26 and i think im still drunk, everything looks/feels SOOO weird, im in the zone and i can type alot, and i am NOT high right now)

man o man, ok i just caught up to today, wrote up entries from last week (4/19) to now. last night was so much fun, went to santa fe and i got drunk but had a blast, i got into maximum state i think, where talking to people is so easy and there was this one situation where i was laughing so hard nonstop that N_ an P_ thought i was high or something, i had an episode like this at the mall on sunday with flawless when nobody was there. man i love good times! i realized that around these guys i act so comfortable an normal and have a blast, i just cant wait til i can get to that level with absolute strangers and hot girls.

i havent done many sets tonight, i recall opening a 2-set with a shot opener but then exited immediately after, i dont kno why. the super hot dirty blond was on the phone and completely ignored me, she seemed lik a bit*h and she was when i caught her leaving bitc*ing at strangers, i guess she really wanted to get laid and nobody talked to her or something. the other girl was pretty fat and she lost her voice and tried to talk to me but i couldnt hear a thing she said.

i was hitting up the two waiters i had tonight. the first one, N_ and P_ made it feel kind of awckward when i simply was asking her a question which i thought was fine, i just ignored them. the first waitress seemed kinda boring or tired. the second waitress seemed much more cool, i was hittin her up. did some funny thigns and kino'd her alot. rub a dub cheeks saying i lik her smile, and i making her bend super close to my lips to hear my orders. it was funny. two girls that knew N_ and also P_ came over to talk to them an the short one was banging, i was staring at her chest alot. the other girl seemed really bored so i talked to her a bit an things was going ok i guess, but she seemed annoyed and didnt like to laugh or anything and kept saying "i dont know" to alot of my questions, i.e. girl on girl make outs. but i said some clever flirts, i shoulda done alot more, but i think cuz i was drunk i didnt. she ended up pulling the short hot girl who was talking to N_ out of the interaction saying she needed to go to the bathroom, but it was an excuse for cockblock i think. we all left the bar to go play some 3-handed poker at N_'s. its just something that we do.

left the bar around 12. there was alot of hot girls, but so many more guys at sante fe tonight. makign it hard to find sets to open, but there was several sets i coulda opened which i didnt, i know i have much less AA but i didn't open them. i went back to the bar before we left to use the bathroom and on the way out from the bathroom i ran into M_E_. said wassup an carried on our business, like we always do when we randomly meet, we dont chill at all, i find it weird. there was these two girls that he was talking to that i remember. one of them was from the graffitti party that changed my life. she was real busty but i acted like i didn't rememeber her. the other was francis's ex from long ago i think. she is really cute but i rememeber justin and steve saying she's ugly, which i don't get. she seemed really cool, i think she was digging my pimp accessories (same with the 2nd waitress, we had mad E.C. and smiles, which is why i hit up those rub a dubs). she asked for my name and i said "ill show you my name" and was about to do the writing my name int he air thing but then i remembered that i did this same thing to the chick from the graffitti party! lol! when i grabbed this girl's shoulders and was abot to tell what to do, i caught on to this an said that i couldnt do this i had to go cuz my friends were waiting outside, which was the truth... i shoulda stayed in and talked though.

well we left the bar and got to nicks and i played some poker, there was some ridiculous things going on about the pizzas we ordered, dollar bills, hot sauce, burning mouths, stealing food, and some really bad ramen noodles. who drains out all the soup after cooking? lame. it was hilarious though i was laughing ridiculously. and then passed out, goodnight!

Talk About Life

2007-05-23T04:37:00.000-04:00

4/25

lets get weird for a second and talk about life. i been thinking about the lasting impact people's lives have on the future. how many of us even know our great grandparents' names/lifestyle? i dont, and alot of people dont. i realize that i could live the most amazing life and have even my most loved ones (family) forget me in 3-4 generations. alot of people are forgotten, millions everyday. its kind of upsetting to me, i think one of the worst things in life is to die and have not a single soul miss you. but that only applies to people who actually meet you in person, not 3-4 generations down the line. its thoughts like this that make me hope that there is a heaven

another thing i want to note, is my state pattern the past couple weeks. towards the end, thursdays-sunday i have such an amazing time. maybe partly due to having no class but i think its also just going out and working on game too. my state at these times are high and i feel so happy. then monday-wednesday my state gets killed from these damn girls in my classroom, its a form of oneitis i think, but its with lik 4-5 girls. i just want to be good friends with them, goodness i never realized how bad my social skills are until moments like this, cant even make good friends with girls. this sounds total AFC but each day i run into them and dont talk to them or promote anything in our social interactions above being just "acquaintances" which makes me upset, because i know, once this semester is over, i might have lost some potentially really cool people i could have in my life. and i know even if i don't get to know these girls any better, it'll be fine, because the truth is, everybody is nobody until they become somebody in your life. and right now these people are nobody, but its kinda sad that they have the potential to be a real meaningful somebody in my life.

Girly Meetings

2007-05-23T04:36:00.000-04:00

4/22

got my nose checked out at school an it's fine. my state is pumped from all the fun from the weekend! then had a group meeting tonight with these 3 girls in one of my classes. one of them i wasnt really into, but she turned out to be really cool and i think she'll be a lot of fun to hang out with, i hope to get to know these girls better. there were some guys who walked into our meeting that knew the girls an they seemed really cool and i felt kinda low value for some reason, it might just be my perspective, but one of them just took over the frame going crazy dancing, i wanna develop that interesting personality that lights up the whole room with fun and laughter

D_'s J_ BBQ

2007-05-23T04:35:00.000-04:00

4/21

went to D_'s friend, J_'s BBQ and damn that was fun too, this weekend was amazing. i got a major tan/burn and thought i broke my nose from a soccer accident. there was a huge dog there almost as big as a horse. D_'s friends are are cool, i need to chill with them more.

Crunk BBQ

2007-05-23T04:34:00.000-04:00

4/20

holy crap, had a BBQ at my house with K_ and i had a blast. the food was FREAKIGN AMAZING!!! i got really drunk and high as hell and got sick which sucked with a major hangover and wasted the whole day basically, slept from 9pm to 9am the next day! BOO. missed out on going out with flawless and S_

Talib Kweli @ UMCP

2007-05-23T04:33:00.000-04:00

4/19

went to the talib kweli concert and it was so dead, everyone was like robots standing still not doing jack, but i had a fun time, i was dancing my ass off and partying on my own basically. i didnt know most of talib's songs so i didnt know wtf he was rapping about so i was jus basically listenign to the music. i opened a 2-set there and it went alright, one of them was really fun and into me and the blond chick was NOT. afterwards me and 3 friends went out to bentley's but i was NOT dressed up and it killed my state, did no sets basically. nick's two friends are funny ass people, strong frames and crazy, they actually dont mind hollering at girls, like most of my friends do. one of them always brought a negative vibe though, but i ignored it and found it funny that he acts like that (i.e. making racial jokes about me being asian, most ppl would be offended, but i didn't let it affect me one bit, til he started sayign something to a friend of mine from high school we ran into, pissed me off)

Grandparents Birthday With New Me

2007-05-23T04:32:00.001-04:00

4/15

grandfather's birthday, family reunion, super alpha, lots of fun; played cranium and i felt so comfortable doing all those crazy things with my family, i dont think i ever had as much fun as i did with them as then. being shy around family is lame, i cant believe i used to be so dead in all those previous family reunions.

Smart Asses

2007-05-23T04:25:00.002-04:00

4/8/07

Knowledge completely changes the way a person views the world. I'm beginning to understand why ignorance is really blissful, knowledge dulls the mind. When i see a lightswitch and the lights it turns on, i understand it simply connects a circuit of wires allowing electricity to pass through to a resistive load that generates power in the form of light to illuminate the room. People less apt in the electrical field will simply think, its like "magic," the same way i cannot understand EXACTLY why a knob for a shower can control the amount and temperature of water the showerhead emits, i know it has to do with mechanics and pressure, but i really don't know how. I feel bad sometimes when people do not really understand the world around them, but with understanding, there is less appreciation for life's mysteries. Knowing how things work gives the mentality of "o, it works lik that because its supposed to." not the "wow this is so cool, isn't it amazing that these things happen?".

I think of this because now i analyze almost every social situation from the ideas of frames an social dynamics and it just completely changes my outlook on life. Its just ridiculous sometimes how much I analyze social interactions. But losing that ignorance isn't bad, just different, in exchange for it I know i have the ability to become a better person, a goal i try to walk towards each day of my life, some days slower than others. Having a strong frame and knowing your self-worth is high, I wonder if I'll be able to really believe I am more worthy for all the women in the world than some famous idol such as Brad Pitt/Tom Cruise. And vice-versa, I wonder how many regular women in the world actually believe they are more special than super hot models and porn stars.

Blogs

2007-05-23T04:25:00.001-04:00

4/7/07

I decide to write a blog of my life and game.

Body Parts

2007-05-23T04:23:00.000-04:00

4/6/07

I completely shaved off my pubs with a clipper at lvl 1 length or something, and i can see my private parts fully, and boy do i look great, i look like a porn star; stood butt naked in front of a mirror high, funny stuff!

P.S. - Shaving private parts can get dangerous.

Spring Break - Atlantic City

2007-05-12T23:36:00.000-04:00

3/21-3/23 - Atlantic City

Me, Flawless, K_, S_

Maloney's was awesome, i finally built up the damn courage after like 2 hours of standing to talk to girls, i opened several sets. I feel like my AA has built up from inactivity. One thing that Flawless said was real funny was me walking by and giving this girl a high five to pump my state and open another set. K_ was stuck playing poker 24-7 all trip. S_ had AA. and Flawless was doing his thing as usually runing that game. one thing i also remmeber about this night was the HB10, with some ginormous cleavage! goodness she was so banging hot. i was drooling over her like a dog under a pedastil, really AFC but i didnt mind, i was having fun doing it. i did end up saying a comment to her about her being cute an walked away, which was nothing really, but i'd be damned if i didnt say a single word to the HB10, hottest girl i ever seen. she was stuck in my head for the whole trip.

i made lik 400$ on this trip from poker too. gamewise, i think my AA started to turn around from this trip.

From Pessimist to Optimist

2007-05-12T22:39:00.000-04:00

Mid February 2007

After the party I was high on life, i walked around cheesing with big smiles knowing that I could get girls to like me. I remember reading a post off mASF talking about Asian PUA's. There were several posts that talked about Asian guys not being "sexy" at all to a lot of girls on first approach. I think its an image that the Asian community built of itself with so many losers. I always thought i was a good looking guy, but after the graffiti house party, i knew damn well i was sexy, i had sexy written all over my graffiti shirt. I'm glad i don't have this inner game problem a lot of Asian guys have. My whole perspective on life flipped from normal-no energy-no smile-pessimism to positive energy-happy-smiley-optimism.

I can't believe happiness is controlled solely on how one views life.

Graffiti Party

2007-05-12T22:33:00.000-04:00

Early Feb 2007

Haha, this party was the best! This was my first house party since getting into the game. I got a huge validation boost and my whole perspective on life changed dramatically after this party. I became a TOTAL OPTIMIST, big smiles and giant generator of positive energy.

A graffiti party is where people wear a white-tee and bring markers and everyone writes stuff on each other's shirts. My shirt read "IOI" all over it! I remember opening one blond chick (HB6) first in the night, she blew me off and said she didn't know who i was. Then i approached a 2-set of girls on the coach looking bored, one of them was busted, the other i'd say maybe HB6, she had huge tits, looked latin, kinda thick; I was attracted to her.

Everything went really well, I remember working this 2-set all night, exiting and returning. The best part with this set was when i spelled out my name in the air with her hand, a lot of kino and I felt like I blew their minds away. I could've gotten laid right there if i had the balls to move in. I remember talking to every single girl at the house party. It was so much fun. There was this one girl i think who was the friend of the HBlatin girl who constantly busting my balls all night, i couldn't win her over at all, it was fun. Later that night after building a lot of social proof with the girls an demonstrating that i was the highest value at the party, the blond chick I first opened actually pulled me over to write on my shirt, girls are funny. I also remember meeting this one chick HB7_Tan. She had a real nice tan and looked really cute.

Atlantic City Trip 2

2007-05-12T22:22:00.000-04:00

Late Jan 28th~: 2-3Days

Atlantic City Trip 2 was again, a lot of fun. The team consisted of me, Flawless and Nir again. This trip was planned out right before school started. We were gonna meet up with some of Flawless's Frostburg friends, 3 doods.

Boy was this trip a memorable one. I remember frame battles all over the place. People busting out peacocking hats, other people cracking jokes about them and then strong framed individuals coming up rocking the hats making them cool. I remember one time one of the doods who thought he was real cool tried testing my frame and i just basically ignored him straight up doing my thing.

I don't remember doing much game on this trip though, boy am i AFC or what. I remember just drinking and going out to clubs to dance. I felt like my inner game got strengthened (but did alot of drinking), but no outer gaming though. I had major AA issues still.

Nir, was going absolutely crazy this trip. Guy got drunk so bad he had to be taken to the hospital an I had to wake up at like 6am from a night of drinking to pick him up downstairs of the hotel. When i went down to meet up with him, he had thrown up all over his shirt and pants, jeez couldn't he had just lifted his head to throw up elsewhere? Throwing up all over yourself is low value. Nir wasn't having a great trip, he also got billed like 60$ for a bottle of OJ and cranberry juice, getting sick, getting attacked in the club, losing valuables, damn give this guy a break...

Atlantic City Trip 1

2007-05-12T22:16:00.000-04:00

Early Jan 2nd: 2-3Days

Me an Flawless took a bus out on a trip to Atlantic City, where we would meet up Nir, another aspiring PUA Carl knew. We had a lot of fun there, I learned so much more about running memorized lines and how to deliver them. There were nights we spent hours preparing the lines we would deliver and how to speak and approach alpha. It was a lot of fun. The things we did to prepare ourselves, most people think are crazy ass ridiculous stuff, but we weren't like most people, we were into the game. I remember doing only one set really in atlantic city. It was during the day. I still had major AA issues, especially in the club scene. This really bothered me, AA in club scenes suck, a waste of $20 covers. First night in AC, i felt horrible, i remember major gas issues with my stomach, i needed some TUMS. I remember having a lot of fun though getting "mad grind" the 2nd night. Afterwards, i realized that grind meant nothing, its just a little tease, afterwards you get nothing out of it, maybe some confidence boost? The third night, saturday, the club had more guys in the club scene and made me feel alot more beta for some reason, not that i was opening in the first place. Man, AA sucks.

Haha, o man, analyzing social dynamics are so fun. I specifically remember eating out at a buffet with the team and a guy named Noel. We were all having a fun time laughing and crackin jokes. I remember Nir saying some lame joke about two doods standing next to each other, one being thin an the other fat, saying they looked lik the number 10 when standing next to each other. Noel immediately said something like: *pause 1-2-3* "Nir, that wasnt funny" *silence* *followed by immediate outbursts of laughter*and i broke out laughing hilariously. AMOG'ing people with weak frames was funny, even within the social circle.

The Beginning

2007-05-12T22:10:00.000-04:00

In mid December of 2006 at Adams Morgan, sometime right after classes ended was when I first saw game in action. Before I went out with Flawless and MattM to see game in action, I had no idea what game was. I remember feeling amazed and shocked when seeing Flawless approach every set of girls in sight. I never knew it was so easy! It blew my world away how girls were so willing to just talk to strangers, people are... social. I got into the game.

I remember doing my first approach, just asking a girl a simple question. It was horrible. I stood waiting for a group of girls to walk by, and I immediately jumped out in front of them and scared the living shit out of them! Haha. I asked my question, i think it was lik "what time is it" or something and after they realized i wasn't some crazy mugger from the shady alley ways of DC they answered and walked off quickly. Flawless immediately pointed out how bad my approach was and I knew i had a lot to learn.

There were several other nights going out with Flawless since then. MattM sometimes joined us. I learned Ahmed was into the game, I have much more respect for him now.

I ran several sets by now, some of them went pretty well, doing an open-banter-banter and exit. I still had a lot of approach anxiety.