Living Life Consciously

when i was thinking about living consciously i was thinking of what people are actually thinking when watching TV. when i think about it, most of the time, i'm thinking about nothing. i just sit there and look at whats on TV. i can do this all day an chill on it relaxing.

now compared to times when im reading a book or studying, i get real tired, even if the book or study topic is something im interested in. i think one possible reason is that when im consciously thinking about stuff, the mind exercises like a muscle and the human body actually burns more calories when thinking. this might be one possible cause for being tired. during harsh exam weeks i also remember my brain being burned out, with headaches from overloads and overstress.

now im thinking, the times i'm out just chilling, or watching TV not thinking, is this a productive way to live? when i sit down to watch TV and take it in for what it is without actually thinking about what i'm seeing, is it even worth seeing in the first place? i know for a fact a lot people do this day in and day out.

like i cant really describe what i mean here, but it seems i've developed the skill to chill real easy. like there would be hours in between class in college where i would sit, listen to my ipod and just chill. the mind not doing anything but sitting on stand by. i've gotten used to this, i don't get bored or anything (most of the time), i just relax.

now opposed to this, think of just being in an argument and thinking up replies to defend a cause, thinking up reasons to why things are the way things are, thinking of how certain people around you are. just being able to think about everything around you, gives you more awareness. i remember way back people always used to tell me that i looked confused, or lost or just simply unaware and im thinking this is probably why. before i just didnt think enough, in general, and of the things around me.

i remember one friend of mine, A_, used to think a lot about life and as a result got kind of depressed because of it, and i used to be in the same shoes as him. there would be days i lie in bed thinking of friends and life and trying to figure things out, to find out more usually led me to be depressed. i definitely had a certain depressed period of my life. but now that i reflect on that moment, i think it is necessary. it is necessary to think about life, to find out that its currently in a bad shape is where you begin to fix it. depression usually results from feelings of helplessness, but with confidence in oneself, knowing that its up to you to fix things, depression only turns to disappointment when you know you're just too lazy to fix things.

its funny how way back i got myself out of my depression by thinking less of life, just putting up blindspots to not face the problem, to live life day to day for what it was and to not complain. nowadays im trying to live more consciously, to know what im doing each day of my life and to not let that time go by unnoticed (lol sometimes i still NOTICE the time being wasted, but too tired to get angry about it). tear down those blindspots, face the problem, take responsibility, and have the confidence with enough balls to get things done.

so basically, think of a day, where you actually think of every step you take, every person you make eye contact with, every little thing you do. just paying attention to every detail gives you so much more awareness of what is actually going on everyday. but at the same time, being oblivious does have its perks, less responsibilities, less stress, more carefree, just like sleep, and boy do i love sleep! i just dont want to be sleeping when im awake...