last night was out with some friends to 1223. goodness, i can't stand talking about girls with some people, its just annoys me to death. ignorant and blind spotted like no other. was dressed pretty hot last night and had my shades that i like to wear to look ballerish. one of my friends WOULD not drop the topic about me wearing shades indoors and looking dumb, he was seriously pissing me off.
first time he brings it up was at the metro train, he started arguing with me about it and took them away from me and tried to make me look stupid, i basically was blowing things up and things started to get loud, and people started listening in on our convo. i just kept smiling and acting like he was just being dumb. some girls in the train started checking me out and was talking about how the shades are hot, and makes me look "stuntin". i forget how it got brought up, but some topic about stripping came up and some of the girls were yelling saying i should strip in the train for them...
at the club, was some asian type thing, i felt kind of awckward because it appeared like everyone knew each other already. the guys i was hanging with only talked to girls they knew, and i had a hard ass time talking to people like usual because of the loud ass music. even still i talked to like 5 sets with normal openers and banters, not much. just did alot more dancing and grinding on girls.
lol one time, was embarrassing, i was grinding the shit out of a girl and got a hard on because of it. then i started to back away because of the hard on, and some other hot chick started grinding on me out of nowhere. i was hard as hell and i didn't know if i shoulda kept grinding or if they would feel weird if they found out. hahahah, i just kept backing up and tryin to hold my dick back with my hand. eventually i couldn't keep grinding cause i felt kind of embarrassed, im not sure how normal it is to grind on girls with a hard on. so basically i just walked away and chilled out dancing on an off for the rest of the night.
one thing that was really pissin me off was this same guy who kept talking shit about my shades, was also constantly complaining about some girls he talked to when he was drunk. he kept complaining to his friends talkin about how they let him talk to ugly girls when he was drunk. honestly, i couldn't believe the standard of girls he thinks he can get. two of the girls were prolly like lik HB5, an the other was lik HB7. i'd bang all of them, and i let them all know. the guy was telling me how i need to up my standards and tried to make me feel like i was pathetic, same thing when i brought up online dating. they were all saying how i was a desperate guy going online to meet girls. not that i cared, i was out doing my own thing all night.
definitely need to find some more cool people to game with, those guys are on a totally different page from me, even though they're older, they seemed so immature when talkin about girls.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Beach Plan Blown
oh my gosh!! they canceled beach plans on the day of the trip, WEAK!
gonna try and set up my own trip next week. we'll see.
gonna try and set up my own trip next week. we'll see.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Evaluating My Current Situation
last night went out to chill with M_H_ and company. went down to CP, reminiscent of some good ol times! bunch of hotties everywhere, ooo i cant believe how hot the girls at CP are! but damn, i felt so damn aweful, couldnt bring myself to talk to any of them, i feel like im in real bad shit, concerning where im at with girls.
AA all over again and lacking confidence, and all sorts of analytical mind games messing with me.
im getting real angry with myself lately for several reasons.
for one thing, im not actively working towards meeting girls (outside of the worthless damn internet). i keep hanging out with the same friends doing the same old nothing but drink routine, they keep calling me up on weekends and its just SOOOO much easier to put off what i want to do, to do something else more chill. im gonna have to start looking for some people who really want to meet girls and work together to force each other to go out. i remember those talks Tyler Durden made about having to go out, getting that frame, motivation just go out and do shit. ugh... even back when going to with Flawless and S_ to DC i had that "i dont wanna go out tonight" mentality. i gotta start self-motivating myself.
another reason i been angry at, which shouldn't be the case, was my market of girls. the world is fucking cruel when it comes to first impressions, and online, shit, that thing is on a whole new level of "what you see is what you get." i spammed a bunch of more girls online on POF but im about to just give up on that. if i do continue on the online dating thing, im gonna have to look for something more intuned with my market. gaming in person is definitely more realistic for me to meet girls.
well anyways, this weekend im going to virginia beach with J_A_ and D_ and im pretty sure they wont be talkin to any chicks, but i gotta be on my shit this weekend and blow up my AA sky high. this trip to virginia beach is gonna be like my return party to getting back to talkin to girls, and i'd be damned if i dont talk to any. i gotta rework my frame to take charge in my life and do stuff by my own damn self. i better not be bullshitting about all this either, when the time to act comes, better man up and do this!!!
AA all over again and lacking confidence, and all sorts of analytical mind games messing with me.
im getting real angry with myself lately for several reasons.
for one thing, im not actively working towards meeting girls (outside of the worthless damn internet). i keep hanging out with the same friends doing the same old nothing but drink routine, they keep calling me up on weekends and its just SOOOO much easier to put off what i want to do, to do something else more chill. im gonna have to start looking for some people who really want to meet girls and work together to force each other to go out. i remember those talks Tyler Durden made about having to go out, getting that frame, motivation just go out and do shit. ugh... even back when going to with Flawless and S_ to DC i had that "i dont wanna go out tonight" mentality. i gotta start self-motivating myself.
another reason i been angry at, which shouldn't be the case, was my market of girls. the world is fucking cruel when it comes to first impressions, and online, shit, that thing is on a whole new level of "what you see is what you get." i spammed a bunch of more girls online on POF but im about to just give up on that. if i do continue on the online dating thing, im gonna have to look for something more intuned with my market. gaming in person is definitely more realistic for me to meet girls.
well anyways, this weekend im going to virginia beach with J_A_ and D_ and im pretty sure they wont be talkin to any chicks, but i gotta be on my shit this weekend and blow up my AA sky high. this trip to virginia beach is gonna be like my return party to getting back to talkin to girls, and i'd be damned if i dont talk to any. i gotta rework my frame to take charge in my life and do stuff by my own damn self. i better not be bullshitting about all this either, when the time to act comes, better man up and do this!!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Living Life Consciously
when i was thinking about living consciously i was thinking of what people are actually thinking when watching TV. when i think about it, most of the time, i'm thinking about nothing. i just sit there and look at whats on TV. i can do this all day an chill on it relaxing.
now compared to times when im reading a book or studying, i get real tired, even if the book or study topic is something im interested in. i think one possible reason is that when im consciously thinking about stuff, the mind exercises like a muscle and the human body actually burns more calories when thinking. this might be one possible cause for being tired. during harsh exam weeks i also remember my brain being burned out, with headaches from overloads and overstress.
now im thinking, the times i'm out just chilling, or watching TV not thinking, is this a productive way to live? when i sit down to watch TV and take it in for what it is without actually thinking about what i'm seeing, is it even worth seeing in the first place? i know for a fact a lot people do this day in and day out.
like i cant really describe what i mean here, but it seems i've developed the skill to chill real easy. like there would be hours in between class in college where i would sit, listen to my ipod and just chill. the mind not doing anything but sitting on stand by. i've gotten used to this, i don't get bored or anything (most of the time), i just relax.
now opposed to this, think of just being in an argument and thinking up replies to defend a cause, thinking up reasons to why things are the way things are, thinking of how certain people around you are. just being able to think about everything around you, gives you more awareness. i remember way back people always used to tell me that i looked confused, or lost or just simply unaware and im thinking this is probably why. before i just didnt think enough, in general, and of the things around me.
i remember one friend of mine, A_, used to think a lot about life and as a result got kind of depressed because of it, and i used to be in the same shoes as him. there would be days i lie in bed thinking of friends and life and trying to figure things out, to find out more usually led me to be depressed. i definitely had a certain depressed period of my life. but now that i reflect on that moment, i think it is necessary. it is necessary to think about life, to find out that its currently in a bad shape is where you begin to fix it. depression usually results from feelings of helplessness, but with confidence in oneself, knowing that its up to you to fix things, depression only turns to disappointment when you know you're just too lazy to fix things.
its funny how way back i got myself out of my depression by thinking less of life, just putting up blindspots to not face the problem, to live life day to day for what it was and to not complain. nowadays im trying to live more consciously, to know what im doing each day of my life and to not let that time go by unnoticed (lol sometimes i still NOTICE the time being wasted, but too tired to get angry about it). tear down those blindspots, face the problem, take responsibility, and have the confidence with enough balls to get things done.
so basically, think of a day, where you actually think of every step you take, every person you make eye contact with, every little thing you do. just paying attention to every detail gives you so much more awareness of what is actually going on everyday. but at the same time, being oblivious does have its perks, less responsibilities, less stress, more carefree, just like sleep, and boy do i love sleep! i just dont want to be sleeping when im awake...
now compared to times when im reading a book or studying, i get real tired, even if the book or study topic is something im interested in. i think one possible reason is that when im consciously thinking about stuff, the mind exercises like a muscle and the human body actually burns more calories when thinking. this might be one possible cause for being tired. during harsh exam weeks i also remember my brain being burned out, with headaches from overloads and overstress.
now im thinking, the times i'm out just chilling, or watching TV not thinking, is this a productive way to live? when i sit down to watch TV and take it in for what it is without actually thinking about what i'm seeing, is it even worth seeing in the first place? i know for a fact a lot people do this day in and day out.
like i cant really describe what i mean here, but it seems i've developed the skill to chill real easy. like there would be hours in between class in college where i would sit, listen to my ipod and just chill. the mind not doing anything but sitting on stand by. i've gotten used to this, i don't get bored or anything (most of the time), i just relax.
now opposed to this, think of just being in an argument and thinking up replies to defend a cause, thinking up reasons to why things are the way things are, thinking of how certain people around you are. just being able to think about everything around you, gives you more awareness. i remember way back people always used to tell me that i looked confused, or lost or just simply unaware and im thinking this is probably why. before i just didnt think enough, in general, and of the things around me.
i remember one friend of mine, A_, used to think a lot about life and as a result got kind of depressed because of it, and i used to be in the same shoes as him. there would be days i lie in bed thinking of friends and life and trying to figure things out, to find out more usually led me to be depressed. i definitely had a certain depressed period of my life. but now that i reflect on that moment, i think it is necessary. it is necessary to think about life, to find out that its currently in a bad shape is where you begin to fix it. depression usually results from feelings of helplessness, but with confidence in oneself, knowing that its up to you to fix things, depression only turns to disappointment when you know you're just too lazy to fix things.
its funny how way back i got myself out of my depression by thinking less of life, just putting up blindspots to not face the problem, to live life day to day for what it was and to not complain. nowadays im trying to live more consciously, to know what im doing each day of my life and to not let that time go by unnoticed (lol sometimes i still NOTICE the time being wasted, but too tired to get angry about it). tear down those blindspots, face the problem, take responsibility, and have the confidence with enough balls to get things done.
so basically, think of a day, where you actually think of every step you take, every person you make eye contact with, every little thing you do. just paying attention to every detail gives you so much more awareness of what is actually going on everyday. but at the same time, being oblivious does have its perks, less responsibilities, less stress, more carefree, just like sleep, and boy do i love sleep! i just dont want to be sleeping when im awake...
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Dunno What to Make of It
yesterday went out balling with some friends and K_ was there. C_ was telling him about how we weren't on the best of terms with one of another. we talked about it and i basically just told him that i didn't appreciate how he been treating me lately. its only been 3-4 times of disrespect, most of which was when he was drunk, so the whole situation wasn't that serious. although the very last time was probably the worst and kind of ticked me off.
anyways, he was basically saying that i should of told him if he was doing something to bother me. and here i'm kind of confused whether or not i should have talked to him about this straight up, obviously bringing it out in the open with one another has the potential to resolve the problem. but, i do remember telling him sober couple weeks back that he was being an asshole to me when he was drunk, i guess i didn't present in the most understandable way, but i did put it out there.
well anyways, back to what was confusing me, what i been thinking about more in-depth of this whole situation. i've known this guy for 4-5 years, been out drinking with him so many times, got drunk with him so many times, and i don't remember anytime when he was calling me a bitch, pussy, or punk and never even did it in a jokingly manner. obviously there are people who play around an talk to their friends like "eh man, stop being a bitch" in a cool way. but as long as i've known him, nobody been talking like that in this social group at all.
its been pretty clear i thought that he has been disrespecting me and basically treating me as if i was his bitch. there really wasn't any laughs at the tables or anything, and sometimes the situation would become pretty tense from what i remember. now that being said... did i really have to tell him that i didn't appreciate the disrespect he been showing me? i think during most of these situations, he knew damn well what he was saying, even if drunk, why now? we been drunk plenty of times and always had lots of fun, not any of this bullshit.
so this man is treating me the way he wants to treat me, simple as that. i don't need to tell him, try to change him, or force him to be nice to me. i hang out with him, i do my thing, he hangs out with me, he does his thing. we treat each other every day the way we want to treat each other. if we don't, we're being fake, holding up a front. if i were to tell him that i want him to stop disrespecting me, is he just gonna be holding up a front? if so, who the hell am i chillin with.
now obviously, there are also lots of other factors such as bad moods, situations that come up, just hard times in life that will affect how people treat each other, and thats fine. thats why i was just planning on giving K_ some space to sort things out, for me to just back off and do some other things. people are always good for change, maybe he changed recently for the worse, i dunno. whatever it is, we're kinda back on good terms, i didn't wanna talk to him too much about it all and it seems like what i wrote here is like overkill. but thats just how it is.
anyways, he was basically saying that i should of told him if he was doing something to bother me. and here i'm kind of confused whether or not i should have talked to him about this straight up, obviously bringing it out in the open with one another has the potential to resolve the problem. but, i do remember telling him sober couple weeks back that he was being an asshole to me when he was drunk, i guess i didn't present in the most understandable way, but i did put it out there.
well anyways, back to what was confusing me, what i been thinking about more in-depth of this whole situation. i've known this guy for 4-5 years, been out drinking with him so many times, got drunk with him so many times, and i don't remember anytime when he was calling me a bitch, pussy, or punk and never even did it in a jokingly manner. obviously there are people who play around an talk to their friends like "eh man, stop being a bitch" in a cool way. but as long as i've known him, nobody been talking like that in this social group at all.
its been pretty clear i thought that he has been disrespecting me and basically treating me as if i was his bitch. there really wasn't any laughs at the tables or anything, and sometimes the situation would become pretty tense from what i remember. now that being said... did i really have to tell him that i didn't appreciate the disrespect he been showing me? i think during most of these situations, he knew damn well what he was saying, even if drunk, why now? we been drunk plenty of times and always had lots of fun, not any of this bullshit.
so this man is treating me the way he wants to treat me, simple as that. i don't need to tell him, try to change him, or force him to be nice to me. i hang out with him, i do my thing, he hangs out with me, he does his thing. we treat each other every day the way we want to treat each other. if we don't, we're being fake, holding up a front. if i were to tell him that i want him to stop disrespecting me, is he just gonna be holding up a front? if so, who the hell am i chillin with.
now obviously, there are also lots of other factors such as bad moods, situations that come up, just hard times in life that will affect how people treat each other, and thats fine. thats why i was just planning on giving K_ some space to sort things out, for me to just back off and do some other things. people are always good for change, maybe he changed recently for the worse, i dunno. whatever it is, we're kinda back on good terms, i didn't wanna talk to him too much about it all and it seems like what i wrote here is like overkill. but thats just how it is.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Batman Is Sick!
saw the dark knight this past weekend and that movie is one of the THE best movies of all time hands down. it was freaking amazing!
joker was a badass and batman has his ass handed to him all throughout the movie, even at the end, you cant even say batman won. there has got to be another sequel, but im not sure how good its gonna be if joker is going to return, since the actor heath ledger died of a drug overdose.
its kind of crazy how a rich ass actor like heath ledger took anxiety and depression medication. just goes to show that money isn't everything if anything in life. i feel sad for that guy, he had so much talent. but also, if you think about actors, being put on the screen for all the nation to judge, thats some serious challenge for a person's frame.
well anyways, batman is a 10/10! love that movie.
joker was a badass and batman has his ass handed to him all throughout the movie, even at the end, you cant even say batman won. there has got to be another sequel, but im not sure how good its gonna be if joker is going to return, since the actor heath ledger died of a drug overdose.
its kind of crazy how a rich ass actor like heath ledger took anxiety and depression medication. just goes to show that money isn't everything if anything in life. i feel sad for that guy, he had so much talent. but also, if you think about actors, being put on the screen for all the nation to judge, thats some serious challenge for a person's frame.
well anyways, batman is a 10/10! love that movie.
A Friend on the Backburner
surprisingly, one of my friends i been chilling with all through college and up to now is being a complete asshole to me lately. he has some serious alcoholic issues and and i think all these real world problems that everyone has to face outside of college is just getting him. i think guy is just going through some serious crap in his life that he needs to straighten out on his own. doesn't bother me too much, just not gonna chill with him anymore. i got plenty of other friends i can chill with so dropping him out, will just free up some more time for me to chill with my other friends.
he's lucky im not the type to look for conflicts and he's been taking advantage of that. if i didn't know him for so long i would of kirked out on him, but instead im just not gonna look to argue with him and do my own thing.
peace K_
he's lucky im not the type to look for conflicts and he's been taking advantage of that. if i didn't know him for so long i would of kirked out on him, but instead im just not gonna look to argue with him and do my own thing.
peace K_
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